


Voices

by Ever21



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer, Lashton - Fandom, Voices - Fandom, ashton irwin - Fandom, calum hood - Fandom, luke hemmings - Fandom, michael clifford - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2018-10-24 12:26:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 27,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10741680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ever21/pseuds/Ever21
Summary: My eyes widen. "M'not gay Lucas." I mumble."Right. Says the one who was making out with a guy on his bedroom floor." I hear him smirk."Screw you." I say and he chuckles.---------------Where Ashton tries (but fails mostly) to ignore the voice in his head.





	1. Chapter 1

Okay so sorry for starting out this story with a note but this is my first boyxboy story...... And I'm typing all this shiz on my phone so I'm apologizing before hand for all the mistakes and crap.

Yes, this is gonna be Lashton and it would be nice if you guys could check out my other story's also. 

So please don't hate if it's bad. And if I say or do something wrong in this story please tell me POLITELY to/how fix it. 

Okay so that's all for now...

Thanks for taking your time of day (or night?) to read this.

~ Abbigail.


	2. The Three Morons

I sigh as I stare at my blank wall, not thinking of anything but everything all at once. Does that make sense? 

"Ash, you ready?" I hear my mum ask as she knocks on my door. 

I blink and get up off the ground. "Yeah. Just, just give me a second." I mumble under my breath to myself more then her.

I hear her give a faint sigh and her feet going away from the door.

I grab my bag and I avoid looking in my mirror, scared I'll break it again. This is my 5th one this month. 

I stuff my old phone in my pocket along with my headphones.

I run a hand through my curls as I make my way down stairs.

"Are you going to eat anything?" Mum asks me as I walk into the kitchen and I mentally cringe at the mention of food.

I shake my head lying, whispering, "Nah I'll eat at school." Or not at all.

She nods her head and gives me a peck on the top of my head as I head out to catch my bus and to my luck it's raining.

'Great, just my fucking luck' I think to myself as a car drives by and hits a giant pothole splashing me getting me even more wet and muddy then I already was.

My curls stick to my forehead as water falls down in buckets on me. 

The bus finally comes and I step on, people glaring, pointing and just doing what they normally do. Thank god it doesn't last long, them all staring and pointing at me.

I put in my headphones and put on American Idiot by Green Day. A small smile slips on my face and I breath out a sigh, leaning my head against the window.

After a few other songs, we pull up to school. 

I get off and someone trips me, making me fall into (sigh) another puddle and people stop what there doing to laugh and see what the hell I did this time around.

I get up as fast as I can and speed walk my way into the school and keep my head down the whole time making my way to my locker, my shoes making that really loud and annoying squeaky sound that catches everyone's attention.

I get to my locker and try my lock at least five times. You'd think that they'd get new lockers by now but nope.

I finally get it open and stuff all my crap inside it, about to grab out what I'll need, I jump back as my locker gets slammed shut almost getting my long fingers. 

I flinch and look to my right slightly to see the biggest douche of our school, and the team captan for just about everything that has to do with sports.

"Well good morning Asshton. How was your sleep, to bad you woke up fattass." Chris sneers in my face as his two main friends, laugh at me.

Them being Tony Penner and Michael Clifford. 

I really don't understand why they hate me like, I actually did nothing to them. At all.

Michael used to be my friend but, I don't know what happened. Just one day he's my best friend and the next he's bashing my head against the bathroom stall door, kicking me in the ribs and stepping on my ankle till I heard a crack. 

He left a few giant bruises and I had a massive headache for a couple days, plus I couldn't walk on my ankle for a few days. So I had to tell my mom I was way to sick so I could just lay in pain all day.

Some days it's just a few beatings but other days it's just as bad as what Michael did to me the first time he started being a jackass.

I can't speak up for myself, because I don't talk at school. I won't even answer questions if the teacher asks me. By now they know not to ask me but I do my homework and I get all high marks thank god.

I come back to earth when I feel the air get knocked out of me and I gasp for air desperately.

I slide down the lockers and I get a blow to my ribs again and I hear the mocking laughter of Michael and the others ringing in my ears.

I'm not going to lie, I think they actually follow Michael and not Chris like everyone says.

They haven't hit my face that much because they don't want anyone knowing what they do or some line of bullshit that Tony once spat at me.

The halls clear along with the three morons as I try to sit up only to gasp in pain again.

I close my eyes and finally get up with the help of the lockers. I make my way to washroom and I go in the very last stall, lock it and slide down the wall.

I seriously want this year to go by so fast that I don't even notice.


	3. "I'm gonna kill him."

I sit in the back by the window with my head down.

Everyone starts piling into the class and soon the teacher follows.

She smiles, "Okay class today we've got a new student. Please come in." 

All eyes go to the door, except mine. I don't think I can turn my head without crying out in pain.

I hear murmurs and talking. 

"Oh god he's cute."

"I'd tap that."

"I like his hair."

"Who is he?"

I look up finally.

"Class calm down, you can sit anywhere you'd like." Mrs. Dayton says and the kid looks around for a seat. He's about to walk over to me but a holler from the far back catches his attention and I peer back and notice that it was Michael and his group.

The guy walks over to them and sits beside Michael who pushes Tony out of his seat beside him so Tony pushes Chris out of his seat and he kicks a girl out of hers and she sits on his lap.

They start talking and laughing about god knows what.

The teacher passes out worksheets for us to do and I finish mine almost as soon as I get it. Yeah I'm pretty smart when it comes to anything that has to do with school. My lowest mark is 94%, that's pretty good but I know I can do better.

After a couple minutes I hand it in and she smiles at me and I look at the ground with a frown etched on my face as I make my way back to my seat.

The bell rings after a while of me just sitting there wishing I was some place else. I pull at my sweater sleeves and start picking up all my books.

I shut my locker closed and go to my next class.

Gym.

I slowly walk in, and go right over to the bleachers. 

Mrs. Greets looks over at me with a sad smile. She walks over to me and sits beside me.

"Hi Ashton. How are you?" She asks even though I don't talk to anyone.

I shrug my shoulder looking down at my old beaten black vans. 

"Anything you want to say? Tell me? I'm here for you and you know it Ash." She says putting her hand on my shoulder. I give her a tiny smile.

Mrs. Greets is one of my favourite people. She smiles back before walking away and back to the group of assholes- I mean classmates. Yeah, classmates. 

I sigh as she starts telling them about today's lesson plan and crap.

I feel someone sit beside me and I look to my left slightly to see that new kid, I never got his name. He's got big brown eyes that reminds me of a puppy.

He smiles at me. "Hey! I'm Calum." He says really cheery. 

I look down at my hands and tug at my sleeves again, ignoring his stare.

"You don't say much do you?" He says then giggles after. Yes I said giggles, like who the hell giggles? 

"Well that's okay because I love to talk and I would love to have someone to talk to. But that's totally okay if you don't want to talk because I'll fill in for your non talking persona." He rambles on and I give him a weird look but can't help but give him a tiny smile.

The bell rings and he grins at me saying bye and literarily bounces out of the gym. I'm being serious. He's like a damn bouncy ball.

I shake my head and walk out towards the cafe. I get a carton of milk and an apple because well, might as well get something in me- I go to the far corner of the room to one table I always go to.

I sit down and take out my phone seeing I've got no new messages (shocker -_-) and I sigh.

"Why don't you talk?" 

I jump when I hear a voice I've never heard before.

I look around and see no ones paying attention to me. 

Maybe I'm just imagining it or it was directed to someone else.

"Kinda figured you wouldn't answer me. Well, I could always wish right? Fuck I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you or anything."

There it is again and I'm pretty fucking sure it's talking to me. Or him. He's talking to me.

"Who're you?" I whisper to myself. Then I realize I'm talking to myself. "I'm going crazy. I'm talking to myself."

"Hell your not crazy and I'm just not suppose to tell you. I know that made no sense but I never make sense. You'll get use to it. Well I hope you will." The voice says.

I grip my hair and shake my head. "No, no, no, no, no. Stop please." I clench my eyes shut hoping the voice will go away.

"And what do we have here? Little Asshton all alone again. Why ya shaking your head? Crazy?" Michael stalks over along with Chris, Tony and shit- Calum. The whole cafe stops to see what he'll do.

I gulp and meet Calum's eyes who looks like he's confused. 

"Tell them to go away. There just assholes anyway. That's what you always call them. Well not to there faces other wise you'd probably die and we don't want that. Well I don't want that. I know you have other opinions on that." The voice says and I try to block him out.

"Ooh, you know I heard milk is good for you." Michael say sitting on the table beside me and he picks up my carton of milk, swishing it around. It's over half full still.

The others smirk all but Calum who still looks confused.

Michael slowly opens the carton looking in it to see how much is left, which is a lot. He gives me a side smirk as an evil glint comes in his eyes.

He gets up and walks over to where I'm sitting and I freeze as he wraps his arm around my shoulder just like old times. 

"You know, if I were you I'd sack him with my elbow just saying." The voice says and I can almost hear the scowl in his voice.

I try and block him out again and I shrug Michael's arm off me.

"Well that's rude." Michael says sarcastically. 

He stands up sighing. "Well I'm done with you. I've just got a farewell gift for you my dearest Asshton." Then he tips the carton over my head so it goes all over the place.

"I'm gonna kill him." Is all the voice says. Let's just that he sounds pissed.

The whole cafe gasps and then laughs.

I look up to meet Calum's eyes. He looks like he's about to cry but then Michael says something to him making him force a smile as him and the others walk away laughing.

I jump off my seat and run out of the cafe crying.

"He doesn't deserve having the fact that he had the chance to be friends with you." He says and I run into the last stall, the mocking laughter from the cafe following me everywhere I go.

I curl into a ball and let it all out.

God this sucks. 

What did I ever do to Michael to make him like this? Or to anyone?

I bet you Calum's gonna turn into one of them by the end of the week.


	4. God Why Won't He Leave Me Alone?

I stay in the washroom for the rest of the day, knowing that no one cares enough to find me or even look.

When the last bell rings and I stay seated for a few minutes, waiting for people to leave. After time passes, I slowly stand up and hold onto the sink and the wall for support so I don't fall.

I peek my head out of the washroom and see the halls are clear and I slowly run my hand through my damp curls- yes I rinsed my hair out in the sink. To bad I can't do the same thing with my clothes.

I slowly make my way to my locker and I open it up after what feels like 1000 tries. I grab my bag out and I wince from the bruises that Michael and the assholes gave me this morning.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and I flinch, jumping away from them. I look up to meet the brown eyes of Calum.

I frankly look around worried that the others are gonna jump out and attack me at any given moment. Calum seeing this, puts his hand on my shoulder making me flinch and hiss in pain.

He withdrawals his hand just as quick. "Are you okay?"

I glare at him and slam my locker shut before walking as fast as I could out of the school and away from Calum. Which isn't very fast. I'm kinda all bruised up and shit.

"He just wanted to see if you were okay." The voice says and I squeeze me eyes shut and grip my hair slowing my walking.

I shake my head and I come to a complete stop. "Ashton are you okay? What's wrong?"

I ignore Calum and focus on the voice.

"You should answer him, he looks genuinely concerned....." The voice adds. "C'mon you’re only making it worse. He's looks so sad. Like a lost puppy." 

I shake my head and I drop my bag to the ground. I feel tears prick my eyes. "Ashton, what's wrong?"

"I'll be quiet now....." Mr. Voice tells me and I sigh in relief as I don't hear him anymore after a few seconds.

I feel so tired, drained. Empty. Kinda like my milk carton.....

I look up at Calum and see he looks really sad and worried. "Look I-I'm sorry for what happened earlier. I didn't know that they were going to do that to you."

I shake my head, pick up my bag and walk away, wiping at my face as tears fall from my eyes.

"I'm serious Ash." He says and I stop when he calls me Ash. 

No ones called me Ash sense Michael turned into a dick. 

I slowly turn to him and get my phone out and type to him at a fast paste.

I show him the phone. He reads it out loud. "Don't call me Ash. Ever. Again. Unless I say. Which will be never."

I snatch my phone away from him and keep walking.

"Well that's pretty good for today don't you think?" I give him a confused expression. God why won't he leave me alone?

He sighs but smiles anyway. "I kinda got you to talk, well not really but I got a response from you. Even if it's not nice but still. I'll keep trying till you talk to me."

I stop and shake my head at him. I keep walking and I just realized that I walked away from the school and missed my bus. Great.

And I'm stuck with Calum.

Even better.....

I look around confused and I bite my lip. "Are you lost or something?"

I sadly nod my head, looking down at my feet. "It's okay. I live around here. You can come over and call your parents or something and tell them where you are."

I give him a stupid look and he face palms. "Fuck sorry. Forgot."

I roll my eyes and follow him to god knows where. Well him and Calum.

We come up to a nice white house and I stop out side of it giving it an odd look.

Calum notices I'm not following and frowns. "C'mon Ashton. It's okay. My family doesn't bite."

When I still don't move he walks over to me and grabs my wrist making me flinch and bite my lip to keep from crying in pain. He let's go when he sees my face and frowns even more. I've got bruises all over my arms and legs along with my stomach. You don't think I’m gonna flinch or be in pain? Well think again.

I hide my hands behind my back and look at the ground.

"It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you. Promise." He says softy and I hesitate but soon follow him inside. He seems okay. Well he also seemed okay this morning to and look what happened.

"Calum? Is that you?" A women, I'm assuming Calum's mum, comes out from some place, guessing the kitchen or something.

When she sees me her eyes light up. "Ooh! Calum, you made a friend!" 

She squeals and goes to pull me into a hug but Calum stops her. "He doesn't like being touched mum."

She looks at me and her gaze goes sympathetic. "That's okay. You guys go up to your room. I'll call you if I need anything."

Calum nods and motions for me to follow him up to his room.

We go in and I just stand there awkwardly not really knowing what to do. I haven't been to a friends house in a while so this is all new to me...... It's been a long time.

Calum lets out a deep breath. "Wanna play some video games?"

I slowly nod my head and he grins. "Wanna play FIFA?" He asks.

I frown looking at my thighs while shaking my head. 1) I never liked the game and 2) that's mostly all Michael played. That and call of duty.

"Okay. How about Mario carts?" My head snaps up and he grins wide. "Mario carts it is then."

He puts it in and we play for what feels like hours.

"No! How the fuck do you always win? You’re cheating I swear to god." Calum says throwing his hands up and pouting childishly while crossing his arms.

I stick my tongue out at him and he laughs mocking me as his mum calls him down stairs.

Calum and me look at each other confused before getting up and both of us walking down the stairs.

"Yeah mum?" Calum asks.

His mum smiles at us. "There's people in the basement for you. I told them they could go to your room but then I realized that that was probably a bad idea. Having all you boys up there. Not good. Anyway there waiting for you. Oh and Ashton honey you can stay as long as you want, okay?" She says smiles at me and I return it. 

I don't think I've smiled so much in a long time.

Calum beckons for me to follow and I do with a smile on both our faces.

Mine soon disappears as I see who's here. My heartbeat picks up speed.

"Well, well. You’re one smart cookie Calum to bring him here for us. Didn't think you'd do something like this but this is just perfect." Michael says smirking with his arms crossed as the other two join him.


	5. "Don't want him, what fun would that be?"

My mouth goes dry and I look at Calum who looks shocked and he scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. "Well shit." He whispers to himself.

Michael smirks and crosses his arms. "We get to hang outside of school to Asshton. How great is that?" 

I open and close my mouth like a fish out of water. It's like I forgot what breathing was. "I-I." I clamp my mouth shut.

There's no use talking it'll just make things worse. I should know.

"You, you what? Oh wait you don't talk." Michael says rolling his eyes and scowls at me.

I talked before you turned into a dickwad. Like I'd ever actually say that to him. 

"Hey Calum? I'm leaving right now and Mali's gone to a friends for the night. Have fun! Be back later!" We all hear Calum's mum yell and the door shut.

Michael turns to me with an evil grin. Well fuck.

"Didn't see this one coming......" The voice says. I try to block it out.

I seriously don't have the time for this.  
Calum looks lost and he looks at me and I see the apology in his eyes and I feel my heart sink. 

"Grab him." Michael says and they all lunge for me- all but Calum- as I take two stairs at a time trying so hard to get up the stairs so they don't get me.

I'm about to reach the top when I feel someone pull me in the back of my shirt and I fall back down the stairs. I cover my head the way down and I hear the mocking laughter of Michael and his two idiot friends.

I feel the burning in my sides start and the stinging in my eyes from the tears. I close my eyes tightly as I feel someone lift me up on both my sides.

I slowly open my eyes and come face to face with the divil himself. 

He looks at Calum and I follow his gaze. "Punch him."

Calum's eyes widen as he looks at Michael like he just told him to kick a kitten with steel toe boots with spikes on it. 

"W-what?" Calum squeaks out. 

Michael smirks at Calum. "Did I stutter?"

Calum's face pales even more, if that was even possible. He hesitantly walks up to me, Michael watching his every move like a hawk.

"I want to tell you that he won't do it but. I think that's clarified as lying....." The voice says and I can hear the frown in it.

"I'm sorry." He mouths and I close my eyes as his fist comes in contact with my stomach. Hard. 

I groan and Michael chuckles. "Again. Keep doing it till I say stop."

So he does. Again. Again. And again.

I feel like I weigh 100 pounds more then I did before. I gasp for air that I desperately need.

"I guess you can stop. Don't want him dead, what fun would that be?" Michael finally says and Tony and Chris drop me to the hard cement floor.

I fall to the ground with gasp in pain when I move to my right a little bit.

"I want to help you, I really do.... You have no idea how much Ashton. This hurts me to." 

I start coughing and spit up blood. I slowly wipe my mouth. 

I need to get out of here. Now. Not that I didn't need to get out of here before but, you get what I mean.

I go to stand up but fall back down again which makes them laugh harder at me.

After a couple moments of them laughing at me and calling me names that I've heard so many times they all leave me, including Calum.

I close my eyes and just lay there. 

Why me? What did I ever do to bring this all on me?

"Nothing Ashton. You did nothing. People are just self centred jerkoffs."

I roll my eyes at the inner voice. "Yeah right. I must have done something." I mumble to myself, well to the voice.

"Ooh! You talked to me! I could die happy now! Put this on the calendar!"

"Shut up you’re giving me a headache." I groan grabbing my head but gasping in pain at the quick movement. 

"Sorry. We'll talk later when you’re not practically dying on the basement floor of your friends house."

I scowl at nothing, well the voice but it's kinda hard when he's just a voice. 

"He's not a friend." I snap.

I hear the door open up stairs and feet coming towards the stairs. My eyes widen and I hide behind a giant box of something that's close to me.

I bite my lip to keep from screaming in pain and I hear someone sigh before walking away.

I let out a breath and I slowly stand myself up, with the help of the shit around me.

I walk slowly over to the stairs and up them. I gasp a couple times but I finally make it to the top.

I hear a gasp and I turn around to see Mr. Hood gawking at me.

"Ashton sweetie, what happened?" She asks rushing over to me and I force a fake smile.

"You know, if you tell her I'm sure she can help."

"Nothing to worry about Mrs. Hood," I'm use to it. "I just, kinda, you know fell down the stairs when we were going to go to the mall. I told the others to go ahead without me." I mumble to her. 

I really need to stop lying.

She looks really worried and concerned. "Alright. But if you need anything tell me okay Hun?"

I nod my head and she helps me out the door and I painfully make my way to my house.....

"Why didn't you tell her?"

I sigh. "Because it wouldn't have made any difference."

"Um yes it would have. It would have made a huge difference Ash."

I growl. "Don't call me Ash you damn voice."

"Hey I have a name you idiot. And it's not fucking voice."

I laugh at the thought of a voice having an actual name.

"Don't laugh at me you dumb fuck." He scolds, making me laugh harder but gasp in pain but continue to laugh anyways.

I walk up to my door and go right to my room, ignoring my mums concerned look.

I sit on my bed, shaking my head.

"Oh yeah and what's your name then?"

I wait a couple minutes before thinking that maybe I've become so desperate for a friend that I've made up a voice in my head. That is till he speaks and I remember that I couldn't have thought someone so snarky up on my own.

"My name is Luke."


	6. "Oh. Okay it's a penguin."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for how short this is.

I smile as I run my finger tips over a peddle of a daisy. I don't know how I got here but I'm not going to question it.

I don't remember ever being this, relaxed. 

I sigh as I flop down in the flowers with a giggle. 

I see someone do the same thing beside me but I don't bother to see who.

"It's so nice out." He says and I hum in agreement.

"Yeah." I sigh.

"Are you happy?" He asks me.

I take a tiny peak at who he is and all I see is blonde hair. "What do you mean? Like, what kind of question is that?"

"Like, you’re not stressed?" He asks me and I think.

I sigh as I close my eyes. "No, I'm happy. I don't remember ever feeling this light and happy and free feeling. It's nice for a change."

"Good. You deserve to be happy. Not all the shit that's happened to you Ashton." The blonde guy says. I nod my head.

Flashes of everything that's happened to me go through my head on full speed. 

"I don't want to leave here. Ever. It's so peaceful here." I say and the words just roll off my tongue.

I don't even think about it. "Me either. You’re more happy here. Not in any pain."

"Do you like flowers?" I ask and he chuckles. 

"Yeah. I like flowers. I know you do." He say and I frown in confusion.

"How do you know I like flowers?" I ask. "Are you stalking me?"

"So funny." He says and I laugh for no reason at all.

"Why're you laughing like a crazy person?" He asks me and I just laugh harder.

"I don't know honestly." I sigh as I pluck a flower and stare at it.

"Right..... The sun feels good." Blonde boy puts his hands on his stomach and smiles.

I only know he did not because I was stealing peaks at him. No that's just weird.

And I'm not wierd, kinda.

"What's your favourite animal?" I randomly blurt out.

"Why?" He asks confusion lacing his voice.

I shrug. "Just wondering."

"Oh. Okay it's a penguin."

I snort. "A penguin? Seriously? Out of all animals a black and white bird?" I giggle and hold my stomach from laughing.

He huffs. "Well just so were clear Ashton, yours is weird to."

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. "How do you know what my favourite animal is?"

"What kind of question is that? I just know stuff." He says.

"Okay mr. Knowitall. What is it then?" I ask knowing he really doesn't know the answer.

"A turtle." My eyes widen.

"You fucking stalker. What the hell." I say and he bursts out laughing.

"Oh Ashton. This is great. You’re actually talking with me. And you’re not in any pain or scared." He says and I grin so large that I thought my face was going to break in two.

"Yeah. I don't think I've talked this much in a long time. Not before Mikey went and started acting like a douchebag." I say and I feel my chest tighten a little.

He sighs. "As much fun as this is, you need to wake up. You can't stay here forever. We can talk always though. I'm here for you Ashton no matter what." 

My eyes go wide and I feel like I'm being pulled backwards in darkness before it all goes black.

\----------------------------------------

I sit up with a jolt and I blink looking around the room hoping, to find the field I was in or at least the boy I was with.

Nothing. Neither of them are here.

I close my eyes and fall back onto my bed. 

Something's going to happen today. I can feel it.


	7. "Did you just call me Lucifer?"

I cringe as I look in the mirror. After that random ass dream last night, I couldn't go back to sleep.

If you want the truth I only remember bits and pieces of it. Blonde hair, penguins and flowers and something about me finally talking.

The voice- Luke, didn't say anything to me and it was nice to have peace and quiet again even if it's just for a little.

I look at the clock and see that I've got to get up in a few hours or so.

I make my way towards my bed and flop face first in it. 

"Why the hell are you up so early?" Luke asks me and I roll my eyes.

"Why are you bothering me so early?" I snap back in a groggily voice.

"Oh don't get snappy with me you curly haired nut head. Why are you up? You should be asleep like the rest of the world is. You need the rest Ashton." He says and I can hear the frown in his voice.

"I couldn't get back to sleep." I say shrugging my shoulders.

"Why?" I roll my eyes again. 

"Luke it's to early for your questions. And I had a random dream."

"Really? What was it about?" He asks and I roll over on to my back. 

"Nothing you'd like." I sigh pulling blankets up to my chin.

"Try me." 

I groan and finally give in. "I only remember some stuff. I was in a flower field, and I was with someone and we talked about how they loved penguins and then it went to flowers and me talking." I don't know why I didn't add in the part about the person being a dude having blonde hair.

Might as well add that to. "And the guy had blonde hair."

"Ooh you were dreaming of a guy..... Who likes penguins and has blonde hair in a flowered field?" He asks confusion lacing his voice.

I nod my head but then mentally smack myself because he can't see me. Wait.

"If you’re just a voice in my head how do you know that I have curly hair when you can't see me?" I ask.

He chuckles. "That doesn't mean I don't know what you look like. I'm in your damn head. I can see everything if I wanted to."

My eyes widen. "What the hell?"

"Ahahaha! Oh your face is priceless! I'd pay to see it in real life!" He says laughing and I can picture him on my bed laughing then falling off and just as fast as it was there it's gone.

I didn't even know hat the guy looked like. But, blonde hair.

My alarm goes off making me jump and fall off my bed. 

"Ahahahaha!" He still laughs and I scowl.

"Shut the fuck up Lucifer." I snap.

"Did you just call me Lucifer?" He asks calm down and sounds serious.

"Maybe." I say turning my alarm off and grabbing some clothes. "Yeah know. This is the most I've talked in over two years."

"Well I'm glad I could help." He says and I roll my eyes again.

I walk into the shower and wash my hair and body. Who do I know that has blonde hair? Well, Michael's an actual blonde but I wouldn't talk to him. And if he was in a dream I had then he'd be beating me to a pulp. Not talking about flowers and penguins.

I try really hard to remember what he looked like but I can't even remember if I looked at his face properly or not.

I shake my head and step out, drying off and throwing on my sweater and ripped black skinny jeans.

I go down the stairs and into the kitchen to find my mum making a cup of coffee. 

She looks up and gives me a confused smile. "Morning love. Going to eat anything?" 

"Yes, eat something Ashton." Luke tells me in a stern voice.

I sigh quietly. "Sure. I'll have something light."

"Better then nothing Fletcher." Luke says and I mentally smack him upside the head.

"How do you know my middle name?" I blurt out and my mum gives me a weird look.

"Because I gave birth to you and thought of the middle name? Why are you asking me this random question? Not that I mind I mean, you’re talking to me so that's a start." My mum says grinning as she takes a sip from her cup of coffee.

I nod my head. 

"Because I know stuff." Luke answers me.

I bite my cheek as I take a plum out of our fruit bowl and nibble on it silently.

"That's not a good enough answer." I whisper so my mum can't hear me.

"Well that's all I'm gonna say right now....... Ask me again when the time is right." He says and I silently groan as he snickers.

"Hate you." I mumble after I throw away what's left of my plum.

I go back up stairs and grab my bag and everything I'll need for the day. 

I check my phone and see a random number texted me. I furrow my eyebrows.

I read. "Hey, don't ask how I got your number and please don't block it."

The first person who pops into my head is Calum as I groan in annoyance. Fuck how'd he get my number? 

What if Michael gets a hold of it- wait. No Michael still has my number if I remember right. I didn't change it either. 

You'd think that he'd use that to his advantage.....

"Go away." I type back.

Right away I get a respond. "I'm sorry for what happened the other day."

"Leave me alone Calum. You blew it already." I type back. 

I don't get a response and I sigh. Good leave me alone.

I go back down stairs and my mum gives me an even more confused look. "Ashton honey. Where are you going?"

I blink. "School?" I say but it comes out more of a question.

She lightly chuckles. "It's Saturday sweetie."

My eyes go wide and I face palm. Of course it is.

I take my shoes off and slowly go back up the stairs. I fall backwards on my bed and I feel my phone buzz again but ignore it. It's just Calum.

I don't want anything to do with him.

After a couple more times of it going off, I just turn my phone off completely not even glancing at the messages.

I close my eyes and sigh into my pillow.

"I'm going to help you in anyway possible Ashton. I promise." Luke's voice soothes me as I fall back asleep.

\----------------------------------

I look around and I realize that I'm back at the same field that I was before.

I grin and giggle like the child I really am.

"What the hell are you doing?" A voice asks me and I stop and quickly spin to see Michael leaning against a tree watching me with an amused expression.

"Um." My voice gets stuck in my throat like always when I'm around Michael and his 'friends'.

Michael raises an eyebrow and a look of confusion takes over his face. He pushes off the tree and walks towards me. 

I take a few steps back. "What's wrong Ash?" 

A bunch of flash backs come back to me all at once when he calls me Ash.

"I-I you. Um." I stutter and wonder why he's not already beating me to a pulp.

"Really Ash what's wrong. You don't look so good." Michael says and he lifts his hand and I flinch away, putting my arms up, tightly shutting my eyes waiting for him to beat me.

I peak an eye open to see Michael with a hurt look. "What?" 

I slowly put my arms down. "D-did you really think that I'd hit you Ash?"

I look down and bite my lip. "Ashton I've been your friend forever, why on earth would I hit you?"

I look up. "I don't know honestly. I ask myself the same thing everyday."

He looks confused. He put he hand on my shoulder. He then pulls me in for a hug and I tense which only makes him hug me tighter.

I hesitantly wrap my arms around him and hug him back. 

Then a choked sob leaves my body and I hold onto Michael like he's my life line. I cry into his shirt and he rubs my back soothingly.

"Hey hey. It's okay. Even if I ever did hit you- which will never happen- I'd have a good reason to, even though no reason is ever good enough to hit my best friend." Michael says pulling back and wipes my cheeks as more tears go down my face.

I grab his shirt and pull him closer and I burry my face in his chest as he wraps his arms around me again.

"I don't want to lose you Michael. You’re my best friend." I whimper and he puts his head on mine.

"You’re mine to Ash. Mine to." He mumbles and I close my eyes.

 

All of a sudden he pulls back and gives me a sad smile before walking away. He turns around and shouts to me, "No matter what Ash, I'll always be with you even if I am being a dick and ruining your life. You’re still my best friend." 

Then he walks away and out of sight leaving me alone....

I fall to the ground and stare at the spot Michael disappeared.

I feel someone sit beside me and I turn, hoping it's Michael but it's not and I'm slightly disappointed.

"That was emotional." He says with a faint chuckle.

"Why did he have to turn into a dick?" I mumble as more tears fall.

I feel the strangers arms go around and I cry for what felt like the millionth time.

"Hey it's okay love. I'm going to help you in anyway possible Ashton. I promise." I sniffle but then stop everything I'm doing and fully look at the person.

He's got blonde hair and bright blue eyes. He's got a lip ring and his hair is styled in a quiff. Even though he's sitting, he looks tall as fuck.

"Who are you?" I ask slowly. He grins at me and sighs.

He pulls me to his chest again and for some reason I don't reject. I go back and hold on to him tightly.

"Ask me again when the time is right." He tells me and my eyes go wide but I don't move away or anything.

A couple intense minutes pass of him just looking out into the open. 

I gulp. "L-Luke?" I ask.

He looks at me and my breath hitches. "Yeah?"

I gasp and he smiles. "It- is it- what? But- you’re a voice? I- what?" I stutter out and he chuckles.

"Hey to you to Ashton." He says grinning and I just stare at a random tree.


	8. "Ashton don't play with your food."

I stare at Luke wide eyes. Still trying to get that this, is Luke, the voice that's been talking to me in my head.

He turns and looks at me. "What? Stop staring at me."

I gulp and shake my head. "Wha-? How?"

"Well I'm in your head so I can also get into your brain. Which leads me into your dreams." He says and it takes me a minute to process what he said.

"Right." I nod my head acting like I understand and he looks at me worriedly.

He bites his lip. "You’re not weirded or freaked out?" 

I sigh scratching my head. "I'm not sure really, like this is just a dream-"

He buts in. "But I'm real. Totally real. Well, as real as I am in your head that is."

I laugh. "Yeah I guess. And I'm not that weirded out. It might just be because this is a dream but, whatever. That and I probably won't remember this when I wake up."

He frowns and sadly nods his head. "Yeah you probably will. So- wait. We can do anything and you won't remember it?"

"Well there's a chance I will remember it. So no, not anything." I say and he nods again.

I lean my head on his shoulder and he hesitates but leans his head on mine.

"Tomorrow is Sunday. And did you ever answer Calum?" He asks and I sigh.

"No and I don't want to talk to him. You know what he did, or more like didn't do. Do you think he did that on purpose? Gain my trust, bring me over then beat me with Michael and the others? Was it all just a game?" I say and Luke sighs.

"You need to have at least someone other then me to help you out there Ash. And I don't think it was all a game. I really don't think Calum knew they were gonna show up at his house." He plucks grass out of the ground and licks his lips.

I groan falling back. "Whatever. And I don't really need anyone. I don't talk to anyone so what's the point in all of this? What's the point in anything anymore? What's the point in the sky? What's the point in living anymore if all I do is get hurt?"

Soon Luke's blocking the sun, hovering over me with a deep frown.

"Ashton there's so much to live for." He says and I just stare into his blue eyes, trying to remember every inch of his face.

After a moment of us just staring at each other, hazel meeting blue, "Why are you staring at me?" I mumble.

The corner of his mouth corks up. "No reason."

I scoff. "Bull." 

He chuckles. "You’re missing a part."

I roll my eyes. "Don't change the subject Lucas. Why are you staring?"

He sighs. "Time to wake up Ashton." He pecks my forehead and my eyes widen.

\-------------------------------__-----------

Before I know it I'm shooting up in my bed looking around cofused.

What just happened?

I grab my head confused. It's like I'm suppose to remember something important. 

Well fuck a duck.

"Ashton? Honey suppers done." I hear my mum knock on my door.

I sigh and walk over to my mirror and rub my face them run my hand through my messy curls.

I shake my hair out and make my way down stairs. I take my usual seat and move my food around, rattling my brain around trying to remember something......

What the hell was it?

"Ashton don't play with your food." My mum says to me and I sigh.

"Ash, c'mon eat." Luke says.

I groan silently taking a bite of the pasta mum made. 

"Good boy." I hear the smirk in his voice.

I roll my eyes. "I'm not a dog." I grumble under my breath and mum gives me a weird look and I just give her a weak smile.

I take a couple more bites and I set my fork down, pushing my plate away.

"Are you done Ashton?" She asks and I nod my head. She gives me a smile and nods her own head signalling I can go.

I get up and rush up the stairs and I see my phone on my desk. Debating if I should turn it on.

Might as well. I mean, I'm gonna have to turn it on eventually. I walk over and flop on my bed powering up my phone.

"Good choice. Now see what Calum has to say. Read every message Ashton." Luke says sternly. 

Once it's in my phone starts blowing up with messages.

"Shut up Luke." 

He chuckles as I scan over the messages. 302 messages. Holy fuck and 299 are from Calum. 

I roll my eyes. "Damn that's a lot of messages."

"Yeah tell me about it." I mumble.

I open the first one. "Ashton look I'm sorry please answer."

Then the next. "Ashton please!"

"Dude answer me."

"I didn't know Michael and his friends would show up."

"This is dumb answer me."

"Okay I'm sorry it's not dumb. It's serious."

"I'm going to find out where you live and force you to all to me." 

"Aaassssshhhhhtttttoonnnnnn please answer me! I'm worried!"

"Stop this nonsense."

"I command you to answer me peasant."

"Ashy do you want me to kiss it better? I heard kisses make everything better!!"

"I swear I didn't mean that in a sexual way."

"Now it's all awkward. On my end anyway."

"I should stop texting you now that it's all awkward but I won't stop till you answer me."

"So in other words answer me damnit!"

And they go on like that.

"Wow he's very motivated to have you answer him." Luke chuckles and I nod my head.

"No kidding."


	9. "I won't hurt you."

I sit there going through all the messages and I get to the newest one. "I'm on my way if you don't answer me in five minutes."

That was sent 6 minutes ago. It just turned 6 minutes.

My eyes widen. "Fuck."

I hear someone talking down stairs and I feel my throat dry up. 

"Fuck." I say again.

"Well he wasn't kidding. That was fast." Luke says and I groan. 

Someone knocks on my door and I start to panic.

"Ashton?" I hear Calum say as he opens my door and peaks his head in.

I glare and he gulps as he steps in and closes the door behind him.

He takes a step closer to me and I move back. He sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't know that they would show up. I swear." He says moving toward me fast and I jump off my bed and move away from him.

He stops and bites his lip. "I won't hurt you."

He inches closer and my eyes go wide in fear as my back hits my far wall. I'm trapped. 

I'm gonna die in my room. I can feel it.

"Calm down Ashton. It's gonna be okay." Luke soothes me and I sigh.

"Just- can I talk to you without you freaking out thinking I'm gonna hurt you?" He asks looking at me with big puppy eyes.

I look down shrugging. I hear him sigh. 

"Okay. Fine." He says.

He sits on my bed and I cross my arms. 

"Why?" I choke out.

He looks taken back and smiles. "Why what?"

I look down and rub my arm. "Why'd you do it?"

He grins but it falls and he looks nervous. "I didn't want to. It hurt me knowing that I hurt you."

"You left me." I whisper.

He scratches the back of his neck. "I know I did and I feel like shit for doing that. How bad did I, yeah know."

He gets up and walks over to me making me move away. 

He reaches for my hand and I flinch away. He looks hurt but it goes away just as fast as it appeared. "I wanna see what I did."

I shake my head quickly and throw my arms around my stomach.

No he can't see how fat I am. No, then he'll have another reason to beat me along with Michael.

"Ashton please." He says and I shake my head even harder. He can't see the scars and the bruises. 

"Ash, you have to trust him." Luke says and I shake my head again.

"No. No. No. No. No I can't." I mumble and Calum looks pained.

"Ashton it's for your own good. Please!" Luke begs me and I grab my hair shaking my head. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut.

"No I can't! Just- this is all to much. Please stop, it hurts!" I sob out and I fall to my knees. 

I feel my whole body start to itch, especially my arms and stomach. 

I feel hands on my shoulders and I scream backing away from whom ever it is, well only one person it could be and that's Calum. I look up to see Calum close to me, on his knees in front of me.

He looks at me with teary eyes. "Ashton..... I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I never should have done all that stuff I did to you the other day at my house. I know you won't forgive me but please, give me another chance." He wipes his nose as he chokes on a sob.

I think about it for a few seconds and I pull on my sleeves without even thinking about it.

I sniffle and I slowly nod my head. He sighs and gives me a watery smile. 

He brings his hand up to my face and I flinch away but let him put his hand on my cheek.

He wipes away my tears that are falling down my cheeks. "I'm sorry." He whispers.

His eyes are big and brown and full of pain and sorrow. 

"It's not okay but that doesn't mean I want you to feel like shit cause of me." I whisper but were so close that I don't have to speak any louder.

More tears fall from his eyes and now I bring my hand up and wipe his tears away.

"I just feel so bad because of all the pain I brought on to you." He says and wow when when did we get so close......

"Ashton don't you think you’re a little close to him.....?" I hear Luke say but I ignore him and all my focus is on Calum right now.

I move closer to him, eyes never leaving his.

"Ashton what are you doing?" Luke's voice echoes through my head as he sounds frantic.

I feel his breath mix with mine, my nose hits his softly and I feel my eyes close half way.

"Ashton! What-?!" Luke's voice breaks but I don't really hear him.

My lips graze over Calum's and before I know it, our lips are pressed to each others.


	10. "Well maybe I like being on the floor."

I close my eyes all the way and move closer to Calum. His grip on my face turns more sturdy and he moves his lips along mine.

I feel him move closer to me and I move from my knees to my butt, our lips still locked together. He crawls over to me and turns his head to deepen the kiss and I let him.

"Ashton....." I hear Luke whimper somewhere in the depths of my fuzzy mind.  
He pulls back for a few seconds only to pull me back by the collar of my shirt and I grab his face holding him close to me. My left hand goes to the back of his neck.  
My right hand goes from his face to his shoulder and I squeeze it. 

He groans and kisses me deeper and rougher then before and our tongues move together.  
I pull back for air and rest my forehead against his shoulder. 

I feel him lightly kiss my clothed shoulder and I let out a shaky breath.

Well that escalated pretty fast, didn't it?

Calum pulls back and his eyes meet mine. "Sorry." He mutters.

I nod my head but neither of us move.

Why did I just kiss a guy? 

More importantly why did I kiss Calum?!

I'm not even gay! This is crazy.

I'm never gonna live this down....

I look up to see Calum's body is still almost on me. His brown eyes meet my hazel ones and he moves back a little but is still really close to me.  
He rubs his face.

Well I'm not gay or anything but I think he regrets kissing me. Either way I'm kinda offended and hurt.

"Why?" I whisper.

He looks down at me and gives me nervous smile.

"Spur of the moment?" He says but it comes out more of a question.

He regrets it.

I feel my arms itch again so I nod my head at Calum. He gives me a small smile and clears his throat.

"I-uh. I should go. I'm gonna go." He stutters and my stomach starts to match my arms.

I nod my head trying to get him to leave quickly so I can be alone and get some form of relief. 

He stands up and licks his lips and runs a hand through his hair.

He smiles at me once more before heading out. I hear him go down the stairs and the door opens and closes.  
I don't move from my spot on the floor.

"Well that was a great conversation." Luke says and I can hear it dripping with sarcasm but I don't say anything.

"Yeah. Great." I mumble and he scoffs.

I glare randomly. Well so much for not saying anything.... "Don't hate me, you’re the one who encouraged me to talk to him and trust him."

"Yeah talk, not fucking make out on your bedroom carpet floor." He snaps and I mentally flinch.

"Like I planed it. It just happened. Like he said, spur of the damn moment Luke." I say just above a whisper. I add, "And if you’re just going to yell at me then go ahead, I'm use to it, I get yelled at all the time so it wouldn't make any difference."

There's a long pause and if he wasn't in my head then I would've thought that he didn't hear me.

"Look Ash, I-I'm sorry." Luke says and I blink back tears that threatened to fall.

"Why do you even care that I was kissing him?" I ask sniffling.

"Well I'm in your head so I'll know what's happening to you when it happens and what you’re feeling at the moment. So it's weird on my end." He says and I blush a deep red.

"Well I didn't know that.... Sorry." I say and wipe my eyes again.

He sighs. "It's okay. Just, a little warning would have been good before you went and started snogging the hell out of him. That and I thought you weren't gay?" He asks confused.

My eyes widen. "M'not gay Lucas." I mumble.

"Right. Says the one who was making out with a guy on his bedroom floor." I hear him smirk.

"Screw you." I say and he chuckles.

"Why are you still on the floor Ashton?" He says and I roll my eyes.

"Well maybe I like being on my floor." I cross my arms and pout.

He laughs and I can't help but smile and laugh as well.

"Well maybe if I was, yeah know. There in person, I could understand why you like being on the floor." Luke says and I chuckle.

"Yeah. You’re kinda the only person who gets me- well besides Calum. He's really got me......." I mumble and Luke snorts.

"Yeah. He's got you alright." He says and I nod my head.

After a moment of silence he speaks up.

"So what are you going to say to Calum next time you see him, or do you plan on just making out with him again?" Luke asks me, I can hear that he's forcing a smile. It's just something you can hear.

I roll my eyes. "I'm not gay Luke."

"It's okay Ashton. Denial is expected."

I shake my head but can't help but chuckle. "Fuck you Blondie."

He stops laughing right after I say that. "Did you just call me Blondie?"

"Uh yeah. I guess I did." I say confused.

Why did I call him Blonde? 

"Do you know- my hair colour?" Luke asks and I grow confused now.

"How can you have hair colour if you're a voice?" I ask.

He sighs. "You really need to remember your dreams." He mumbles but I hear him of course.

"Remember my dreams? What do you mean?" I ask furrowing my eyebrows.

"I would ask how you heard me but that would be stupid...... Yeah your dreams are important. Sometimes they hold stuff that you'll need to know." He says and I sigh nodding my head.

"I'll try to remember next time, I remember one dream from like, two nights ago." I say shrugging.

"Really? What was it about?" He asks quickly. 

I laugh and lean against my bed. "I already told you it was me talking to a guy." 

"What did you talk about again?" He asks.

"Don't you remember? We talked about penguins and flowers." I say shaking my head at the faint memory of my dream.

"And what did the guy kinda look like you said?" Luke asks me and I swear he's smirking if he can.

I rack my brain trying to kinda remember. "He had- if I remember right- blonde.....hair......" I trail off.

Then it's like a light bulb went off in my head.

I sigh. "That was you, wasn't it."

He laughs and it all makes sense now. How I pictured the blonde guy on my bed just out of the blue, I've seen him before. He's the guy from my dream.

Aka Lucifer himself.

All of a sudden a giant pain comes to my head and I grab my head. "Fuck." I mumble.

"Ashton, you okay?" I hear Luke ask.

All of a sudden random things pop into my head. It's like I'm watching bits and pieces of a movie or something.....

"Hey hey. It's okay. Even if I ever did hit you- which will never happen- I'd have a good reason to, even though no reason is ever good enough to hit my best friend." Michael says pulling back and wipes my cheeks as more tears go down my face.

Then the next one.

"I don't want to lose you Michael. You're my best friend." I whimper and he puts his head on mine.

"You're mine to Ash. Mine to." He mumbles and I close my eyes.

And they just keep coming.

All of a sudden he pulls back and gives me a sad smile before walking away. He turns around and shouts to me, "No matter what Ash, I'll always be with you even if I am being a dick and ruining your life. You're still my best friend." 

And again.

"Hey it's okay love. I'm going to help you in anyway possible Ashton. I promise." I sniffle but then stop everything I'm doing and fully look at the person.

He's got blonde hair and bright blue eyes. He's got a lip ring and his hair is styled in a quiff. Even though he's sitting, he looks tall as fuck.

Luke....?

I gulp and shake my head. "Wha-? How?"

"Well I'm in your head so I can also get into your brain. Which leads me into your dreams." He says and it takes me a minute to process what he said.

Yep Luke.

He buts in. "But I'm real. Totally real. Well, as real as I am in your head that is."

I laugh. "Yeah I guess. And I'm not that weirded out. It might just be because this is a dream but, whatever. That and I probably won't remember this when I wake up."

He frowns and sadly nods his head. "Yeah you probably will. So- wait. We can do anything and you won't remember it?"

"Well there's a chance I will remember it. So no, not anything." I say and he nods again.

Wow I'm very smart in my dreams.

I groan falling back. "Whatever. And I don't really need anyone. I don't talk to anyone so what's the point in all of this? What's the point in anything anymore? What's the point in the sky? What's the point in living anymore if all I do is get hurt?"

Soon Luke's blocking the sun, hovering over me with a deep frown.

"Ashton there's so much to live for." He says and I just stare into his blue eyes, trying to remember every inch of his face.

So I'm the same in my dream as I am in reality...... That's nice to know......

I scoff. "Bull." 

He chuckles. "You're missing a part."

I roll my eyes. "Don't change the subject Lucas. Why are you staring?"

He sighs. "Time to wake up Ashton." He pecks my forehead and my eyes widen.

I sigh as the pain goes away and I hold my head in my hand.

What was that all about?

"Ashton what the hell, are you okay? What happened? It's like you blocked out everything around you for a good solid 15 minutes if not more." Luke asks sounding worried and now I realize why he said about me needing to remember my dreams. He's right they are important.

"Luke, I'm okay. Were you in last nights dream to?" I ask.

"Why?" He slowly asks.

"Cause I remember parts of it." I say crossing my legs.

Wow I'm still on the floor.

"Like what parts?" He asks quickly.

I sigh. "I remember Michael saying he'll always be my friend even if he hits me and turns into a dick and is ruining my life." 

I bite my lip waiting for Luke's answer.

"Yeah I saw that. I was there the whole time you just didn't notice me till I sat beside you......" Luke confesses. I slowly nod my head. "What else do you remember?"

"I remember you saying you'll help in every possible way or something like that. And that I thought you looked really tall even sitting down....."

He chuckles. "I guess. What else?"

"Then you told me how you go into my dream cause your already in my head. Then I remember us arguing if you’re real or not....." I trail off confused because I don't remember what we were talking about hat leads up to him saying he's real.

"Oh yeah. We were talking about you saying that it's just a dream and then I said I was totally real." He tells me as I nod my head.

"Anyway. Then I remember saying that I probably won't remember it when I wake up and you asking if we could do anything and I said no because there was a small chance that I would remember it." I say picking at the lose string in my carpet.

"Yeah. What, what's the next part you remember?" He asks.

"Oh. Um, me asking what's the point in living anymore....... And you telling me there's lots to live for. Then me asking why you were staring at me and then you told me to wake up." I say and rub my hands together.

He sighs. "I was right yeah know. About you having lots to live for."

I shake my head chuckling weakly. "Whatever you say Luke. Whatever you say....." 

"It's late, you should get to sleep and maybe we can continue this conversation face to face, kinda. Whatever, you get what I mean." Luke says and I get up off the ground. 

I walk over to my dresser and grab out some lose jogging pants and I change into them.

I walk over to my bed after turning the light out and I just now look at the time. 

2:53am.

Well fuck. 

"Night Luke."

"Goodnight Ashton......" He whisper and I close my eyes drifting to sleep in the mater of seconds.


	11. He's Just A Voice In My Head.

I sigh as I cross my arms and watch as Luke walks over to me with his hands in his pockets.

He stops right in front of me. "Hey Ashton." He breaths out with a smile.

"Hi Luke." I whisper.

"Why do you alway dream about a field?" He asks sitting down and I sit beside him.

I shrug as I pick at the green grass. "I don't know honestly. I guess it's where I feel most peaceful and comfortable." 

He smiles at me. "I guess that's never crossed my mind. I just always thought you just liked it because it's empty and big."

"Oh yeah, that's why." I snort and he laughs.

"Do you think it's gonna be awkward between you and Calum?" Luke asks looking at me after a couple minutes of silence.

I look up from picking at the grass and meet his eyes. "I don't know. Kissing him was random and totally out of the blue and unplanned. I-"

"Would you do it again? Kiss him I mean?" He cuts me off looking at me with big blue eyes. 

I clear my throat. "Um, I really don't know how to answer that..... Like, I'm not gay but if I do it, it won't be on purpose." I shift awkwardly.

He blinks and looks away into the distance. "But you would let him kiss you and you'd kiss him back?"

"Well, depends on the situation I guess..... Why do you care so much?" I suddenly ask.

He turns and almost smacks heads with me. "I'd like to know what to expect as the voice in your head that feels what you feel." He snaps.  
His face softens once he sees I've moved away from him. 

He sighs and rubs his face. "I'm sorry Ashton. I didn't mean to be snippy with you."

"It-it's um, it's okay. It's fine." I say wrapping my arms around my middle.

He moves closer to me and I cringe away. "No it's not okay I know what you’re going through and-"

"No you don't." I snap. "You don't know what I'm going through, you don't know what it's like to be in constant fear all day everyday of your life. You don't know how I feel or what it's like to have only one source of relief and you don't know what it's like watching your once best friend beat the shit out of you! You don't know what's it's like to fall apart day by day, or to want to kill yourself! Suicide doesn't cross your mind 24/7. So tell me again if you know what I'm going through." I'm standing by this point and I don't really care if Luke gets mad at me.

He doesn't know anything I'm going through.

I look and see his blue eyes blown wide with regret and tears. 

Whatever.

He's just a voice in my head. Nothing more.

\------------------------------------

I sit up in my bed with tears going down my cheeks. I look at the time and see that it's already 11:08am. 

I let out a shaky breath as I run my hand through my messy hair.

"Luke?" I choke out.

No answer. Not a sound.

I burry my face into my hands and let out all the sorrow and pain through my tears.

I jump out of bed and run into the bathroom slamming the door behind me. I turn on the shower, I make sure it's burning hot and I open the cabinet and reach in feeling the top for my life saver and killer.

I feel something taped to the top of it and I bring it out sighing and happy that it's still there.

I take the tape off and I watch the light shine on it. I step in the shower still clothed and I sit in the tub.

I lightly put it to my wrist, not even flinching, this has become a routine of mine but sense Luke came into my life I've forgotten all about it.

Not anymore. Not till now.

I push down harder and beads of blood appear and I sigh as it runs down my arm mixed in with the water making it a light pink colour.

I do that again but deeper and harder on both of my wrist and some on my stomach.

I do this because I'm to much of a cowered to commit suicide and kill my self. 

I deserve to live in pain and suffering. It would be selfish of myself to take my own life.

I drop the blade and sob even harder as the blood gets all over my pants.

I lean my head against the wall and shake my head.

"Why me?" I mumble to myself.

My life's so fucked up right now.

After a couple minutes of me just sitting, losing blood like it's nothing I slowly get up, turning the water off and grabbing the blade.

I go back under the sink and put it back and grab out all the shit I'll need to clean myself up. I'm running out, need to get more soon.

I rinse my hands off in the sink after I put some cream on my cuts and wrap it up to stop the bleeding.

My reflection catches my attention and I stare at the bruises in the mirror and bite my lip as I poke one. 

I made sure not to cut the bruises, because you know that would be stupid. Hope you heard the sarcasm...

I take my wet clothes off and walk into my room. I make my way over to my dresser and pull out dry boxers and slip them on.

I go over to my closet and grab out my green sweater pulling it carefully on.

I look at the time and see it's now 3:29pm.  
Not that long, I'm usually in there for hours on end.

I walk back over to my bed and sit down on it and curl up in my dark blue blanket.

I stare at my blank white wall like I do all the time. Well before Luke and Calum popped up.

Luke.

I sigh rubbing my face.

I've basically accomplished to push everyone away in less then 24 hours. Good job you.

I fall backwards and shout into my pillow.

After I'm done shouting my lungs out I slowly get out of bed and wince every step I take down the stairs.

I try not to once I enter the kitchen so my mum doesn't notice anything but I don't find her. Nope I find a bright green sticky note on the counter instead.

I walk over to it and sigh as I read it.

'Ashton,  
Went out for a little bit, don't know when I'll be home. There's some money on the counter by the toaster if you want to order anything. I usually say don't have anyone over but you can have that Calum fellow over if you want. And, I think we need to talk when I get back.  
Lots of love, mum.  
P. S. Don't burn the house down.'

Shit. Talks with her always lead to me locking my self in my room and not saying anything to anyone for a good couple days. Not that I already don't do that.

I'll say a word or something to my mum usually but I won't even do that.

I crumple up the note and throw it in the trash.

Whatever.

I take the money off the counter and go into her room and put it in her savings jar.

I don't need the money. Not gonna use it for food or anything plus she needs it more then I ever will.

I walk out shutting the door behind me and jump like five feet in the air as I see Calum leaning against the wall giving me a confused expression.

I put my hand over my heart and glare earning a small chuckle from him.

I turn away and begin walking to my room ignoring him.

"Oh c'mon Ashton, I didn't mean to scare you half to death." Calum says following me into my room.

He gently shuts the door behind him and I turn to face him.

I give him a 'well?' Look.

"Oh right. Um I came over because I prefer you over Michael and his friends. I rather hang with you. We don't have to talk we could play video games like last time, minus the beating you up part." He says scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

I bite my lip and shift from one foot to the other. 

Maybe we can look past us kissing and go in with our lives.

I slowly nod my head and he walks over to my xbox and puts in a random game.

He hands me a controller and Mario Carts pop up. This isn't my game...

I give him a confused look and he chuckles sheepishly, his cheeks turning pink. "I remembered how much you like this game so I brought it over."

I smile and we begin our game.

Just, having fun for a little while seems pretty now to me. Even if it's for a little bit.


	12. Lovely Friend.

I slowly open my eyes and groan at the annoying sound of my alarm. 

I smack it and it shuts off. I sit up and wince at the movement in my stomach.

After the game Calum and me played, which was around 10 rounds of Mario Carts, he left because his mum called and told him to well, come home.

We didn't talk or even mention the kiss thank god. I still didn't say anything but I don't think he cared.

The thing that caught me off guard was that his face was red 99% of the time. The other 1% it was pink instead....

I haven't heard from Luke still....

I grab some clothes from my dresser and slowly make my way to my bathroom. 

I didn't technically have a shower yesterday so.....

I take the bandages off and step into the hot water. I hiss as the water comes in contact with the cuts and jump away from the water.

Shit I always forget that it hurts if the water touches it. Well for me anyway.

I wash up and dry off putting my clothes on. I shake my hair out and leave it.

I head out and grab my bag from where I tossed it Saturday.

I make my way down stairs.

I slip on my shoes, kiss my mum on the cheek before she can even say a word.

I walk out, putting my head phones in as I wait for the bus.

I lean against a tree as a car pulls up next to me. I back away quickly.

The drivers door opens and Calum steps out. He throws me a smile and I give him a confused look. 

He leans against the top of the car. "Wanna ride?"

I look around and slowly walk over to the black car. 

I get in the passenger seat and Calum's grin gets bigger as he gets in. He drives away and towards the school.

"You’re probably wondering why I wanted to give you a ride, I wanted to for a while but I didn't know you that well so I didn't." He says and I give him an amused expression. His eyes go wide and his face flushes bright red. "No I -I didn't mean it like that- shit, sorry. Fuck not-not that I wouldn't give you a ride like that,- wait no well fuck. I'm just gonna be quiet."

Well then. I feel my face heat up and he coughs.

The rest of the ride- car ride- is awkwardly quiet. Like I mean really awkward.

When we finally pull up to the school, I get out as fast as I can and run into the building so I'm not anywhere near Calum and people get the idea that we’re friends.

I don't know if we are or not, but I've got a feeling that to Calum we’re best friends.....

I make it to my locker and unlock it in one try. Well so two good things have happened to me. One, I didn't have to take the bus, two I got my locker open in just one try.

I look around and see no sign of Michael. That's also good.

Really good.

I grab out my books and I feel someone tap my shoulder. I jump five feet and wipe around with wide eyes.

"You okay?" Calum asks. I look around with scared eyes. Looking for Michael.

"Ashton who are you looking for- oh. Michael." Calum says eyes softening.

I look at the ground and I hear people laughing and my eye ago wide in fear and Calum looks at me with giant eyes.

I can already see the guilt swim in his eyes and I run down the hall as fast as I can towards my first class.

Mrs. Clay looks up surprised as I pant and try to catch my breath and wince in the pain in my stomach.

"Ashton you okay?" She asks and I give her a thumbs up as I slowly make my way to my desk.

I sit down and take a sharp breath as Mrs. Clay looks at me concerned.

The bell rings and people start filling the classroom up.

Michael and Calum come laughing in with Tony. I notice that Chris is gone..... He hasn't been here for a while.

They look over at me and notice the teachers gone. Well fuck.

Michael smirks and makes his way over with Tony and Calum.

I keep my head down and I tense when I feel someone sit beside me.

"Hey Ashton." Michael says throwing his arm on the back of my chair.

When I don't say anything he sighs annoyed. "Why don't you talk anymore? Not that it would do you any good but you use to talk up a storm, I would have to tell you to shut the fuck up."

He laughs but it's got a bitter sound to it. "Now you don't make a fucking peep. But just cause you’re quiet doesn't mean you don't bother me. Just you being here and alive bugs the shit out of me." He sneers and I flinch.

My mind flashes back to the dream. 

All of a sudden he pulls back and gives me a sad smile before walking away. He turns around and shouts to me, "No matter what Ash, I'll always be with you even if I am being a dick and ruining your life. You’re still my best friend." 

Just as quickly it's gone.

"Hey I'm talking to you asshole." I feel someone grab my wrist and I flinch and bite my lip to keep from crying and pulling away.

If only the Michael in my dream was this Michael right now.....

He pulls my wrist so I'm closer to him and I look at him with wide eyes full of fear. 

Hazel eyes meet his green ones. I search his eyes looking for any trace of the person I once called my best friend.

He punches me so I fall off my chair and the class laughs.

Where's Mrs. Clay?

I wince as I sit up and he laughs.

I look at Calum who's looking away. Great. Calum's just not gonna do anything.

Lovely friend.

I get up off the ground and Michael laughs while him and Tony walk back to there seats.

I look at Calum, begging him with my eyes but he just lightly shakes his head and my expression goes cold. 

He notices because he looks frantic and nervous. I look away from him and take my seat, ignoring the pain as much as I can.

He gives me one last look, puts on a fake forced smile and goes back to his 'friends'.

Just then the teacher comes in and starts teaching us about Shakespeare.

"So who here knows about Romeo and Juliet- oh. Um hello." Someone knocks on the door but I keep my nose buried in the book Aragon.

"What can I do for you?" She asks.

"I'm new." I freeze. No.


	13. Yeah Wrong Move.

"Oh. Well go ahead and take a seat." My teacher says and I can feel my breathing start to pick up speed.

After a moment I feel someone sit beside me and I tense.

"Um hi." They say and I gulp.

I nod at them without actually looking at them. 

He clears his throat. "Um I'm Luke."

Just at the name my head snaps up and my breath hitches in my throat. Well shit.

Blonde haired, blue eyes, tall as fuck all right in front of me. And this isn't a dream.....

"Um hello?" He says and I blink as he gives me a confused look.

I give him a timid smile and he returns it. "You don't say much do you?" He asks.

I shake my head. I write on a piece of paper, "No I don't talk. I can but I choose not to."

He reads it and nods his head. "How come you don't want to?"

I bite my lip wondering how much I should tell him the whole thing or make up a little lie that's somewhat telling the truth.

I write, "If I don't speak I won't get hurt." Well that's what in going for I guess.

He looks worried for a second so I write quickly. "No like if I don't say anything then people can't make fun of me for something I said. That and people judge way to much to do or say anything."

"That's not any better." He mutters before the teacher scolds him and let's him off with a warning sense it's his first day.

She hands out our homework and I fly through it. After a few seconds of checking it over I quickly stand up and hand in my paper.

I hear someone snicker, "Nerd." Before I quickly go back to my seat only to have um, Luke gap at me. "You’re done already? How, we just got them?"

I shrug my shoulders and look down at my desk. 

"My mums a math teacher at another school so I should at least be good at school sense she's a teacher right?" He says and I blink at him.

"Right. Blink once for yes and twice for no?" He asks and I think for a second.

I blink twice. He frowns. "Wow. That explains a lot."

I slowly nod my head and lay my head down on my arms on the table.

After a few minutes Luke gets up and hands in his work. He smiles at me as he sits down.

I look away and pick at my sleeve. 

The bell rings and I book it out the classroom. I go to my locker and put my books away. I feel someone tap my shoulder and I quickly turn around scared and I should have been fine but if anything my hearts beating faster than before.

"Um can you show me where the cafeteria is?" He asks with his hands in his pockets.

I slowly nod my head and walk away hoping he'll get the memo and follow.

And thank god he does.

I bite my lip as I weave my way through all the people and most of them push and shove me but I act like it doesn't hurt or bother me at the moment.

Luke follows me and tons of girls throw him flirty smiles and he just chuckles following me.

I walk into the cafeteria and I go right over to the table I always sit at. The one in the far back corner of the room where no one can see me. Well usually that is unless Michael calls me out.

I sit down and I lay my head in my arms as I pull my hood up on my head.

Luke's gone, probably to get some food or he just realized how much of a loser I am and left.

I wouldn't be shocked if it was the second option. Everyone leaves sometime in your life.

Someone sits beside me and I mentally groan as I see the bright red colour of Michael's hair.

"The thing that happened earlier was just the beginning." He hisses and I flinch away making him chuckle.

"Awe are you scared of me? Good." He snaps and I scoot away from him.

Yeah wrong move.

He grabs a fist full of my hair and I feel tears pool I my eyes. "Crying won't do you any good you worthless piece of shit." He sneers.

That's when the tears fall down my face.

"I hope you cut yourself so deep you'll die. You'll be doing us all a favour." He snarls.

He smacks my head against the table making me cry out then he pulls me back so I fall out of my chair. The whole cafeteria has stopped to see what's going on and there all laughing.

I rub the spot he had of my hair and he kicks my stomach making me gasp for air and in pain cause of the cuts and bruises.

He does it over and over again as I sob through the pain.

Once he's finally done kicking me he laughs and walks away.

I see Calum and he mouths sorry and I give him a death glare and he quickly follows Michael and Tony.

I look and see Luke looking at me confused and I try to get up only to fall and the whole cafeteria laughs at me even harder.

I finally get up and go to the washroom. I go to the far stall and curl up in a ball only for my stomach to cry in protest.

I close my eyes tightly as I hear the door open and someone slowly walk in.

I hold my breath scared that they'll find me and beat me up again.

"Um, hello?" It's Luke. The real Luke. 

The like that's in my head hasn't talked to me sense yesterday when I blew up on him in my dream.

I hear someone sigh and I can't help but let out a breath of air. 

I clamp my hand over my mouth with wide eyes. 

He walks closer to the stall I'm in and I let out a shaky breath, trying to make it go steady again.

"Uh hello? I know you’re in there." He says. 

When I don't answer he sighs. "Right forgot you don't talk, well you can you just choose not to......" He says and I nod my head even though he can't see me.

"I don't even know your name....." He says quietly.

I hope he'll leave soon so I can go home and away from Michael and his hellions.

I grab out a pen from my pocket and take a piece of toilet paper and write.

'Why are you here?' And I slip it under the door. He takes it and I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Because I wanted to make sure you’re not to hurt. I won't hurt you." He says and I can't help but let a smile slip on my face but it goes away just as quick because Calum said the same thing to me and I still get beat up by him. 

He hands me the paper back and I write. 'Lies.'

"What do you mean lies?" He asks confused.

'Calum said the same thing and I get beat up by him still.' I pass it to him and he slips it back once he's done.

"Was Calum the one with bright red hair?" He asks.

'No that's Michael. I'm sure you'll be part of there group soon. The one with brown hair and the blonde in it is Calum. The other guy was Tony.' I write.

"Ahhh okay. Calum doesn't seem like he would hurt you." Luke says and I scoff.

'He beat me up at his own house and left me at the bottom of his basement stairs.' 

"Ooh. Wow. He's a great friend." He says chuckling and roll my eyes.

"Will you come out?" He asks me after a moment of silence.

I nearly jump out of my skin because I thought he either left or fell asleep.

'Why so Michael can beat the shit out of me? Not gonna happen.' I write and he sighs.

"Right well I should really get to my classes considering it's my first day but something's telling me to stay here and skip the day with you." He says and I can't help but feel my face heat up quickly but then I make it go away just as fast.

I'm not gay. So why am I feeling like this? 

That and I don't even know this guy. Well I now the Luke in my bead but, that Luke's not this one so I know nothing about this one.

I hope that made sense....


	14. It’s A Long Shot

I slowly open the stall and I peek my head out.

Luke sees this and quickly stands up dusting off his pants. 

Why was he on the ground?

"You came out." He blurts out and I nod my head but keep my gaze fixed on the ground.

"Hey I won't hurt you." He says and mentally scoff. 

Says you and everyone else.....

But whatever. I nod my head again and make a beeline for the door and I nearly make it but he grabs my wrist to stop me. I wince and hiss in pain under my breath.

I pull away quickly -well, he let go when seeing tears- I hold my wrist to my chest and his blue eyes look at me with worry and I quickly shake my head, leaving the bathroom keeping my head down.

No, this Luke can't find out. He has to stay away or he'll be bullied to. I can't live knowing that I'm the one who caused him to get bullied.

I run out, not even bothering to get nothing from my locker, that and my books are in the washroom still.

I run down the side walk but trip and fall. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly as sobs rack my body.

Why me? What did I do to deserve this?

"Ashton? What- why are you on the ground and crying?" A voice asks me and I back away from them.

Everyone I know hurts me mentally and physically somehow. 

"I'm not going to hurt you- please." They say again and I blink the tears away which means making them go down my cheeks.

I look up to see Calum's sad expression.

I glare. 

No. Nope. Nada. Not gonna fucking happen.

I get up quickly and try to get away from him but he grabs the back of my shirt making me choke and fall back on to him.

"Oh god I'm so sorry Ashton. I didn't mean to choke you. I- I just wanted your attention." He says biting his lip.

I scowl. "Go away." I snap and walk away again.

"I should be happy you talked to me but fuck, it's not a good reason you talked though -Ashton will you please slow the fuck down I can't keep up." He says and I roll my eyes trying to walk faster without him noticing.

"I know you’re walking faster on purpose." Well so much for trying to not notice anything.

I sigh and turn to Calum with an annoyed expression. 

I put up my pointer finger telling him he's got one minute to talk.

"Oh I get one minute okay. Ashton I'm sorry that I didn't defend you. It's just that I guess being popular and being well known is important to me and Michael- wait where are you going? That's not a minute!" He says as I walk away from him.

"Ashton please give me one more chance I promise you won't regret it. Please." Calum begs me and I stop on the spot, biting my lip wondering if I should give him one last chance.

I sigh and turn around to face him. "One." I whisper and he breaks into a giant grin.

"Thank you Ashton! Thank you! I promise you that I won't hurt you." He says pulling my into a hug and I tense up and lightly push him away.

He chuckles sheepishly. "Hey can we hang at your place and play video games? I'll get Mario Carts?" He asks and I nod but tense again.

What if he brings up the kiss? What if this is all a prank or a game?

But I guess none of that matters because before I know it, were walking to his house to get Mario Carts. 

"Come on in. No ones home so it's just us. Even though we're going to your place." Calum babbles as I follow him up the stairs to his room.

I follow him and sit on his bed while he goes over to his games. "I swear I put it back.... Where the hell is it?" I hear Calum mutter.

He goes through his games and after a couple minutes he groans and falls onto his back.

"I can't find it. I give up. Sorry Ashton." He says and I shake my head smiling slightly at him.

He walks over to me and sits beside me. I look at him confused and I all of a sudden get a lonely feeling. 

I miss Luke. The Luke that's in my head. 

What can I do to get Luke to talk to me again....?

I've got an idea..... And if he talks to me he's gonna be pissed..... I glance at Calum who's scrolling on his phone, twitter maybe?

Whatever.

I need Luke back. And I know what I'm gonna do. It's a long shot but oh well. 

I move closer to Calum who looks up confused.

Before he can do anything or say anything properly I grab his face and press my lips to his.


	15. Sad Smiles

When you kiss someone and they don't know what's going on till a few seconds after and most of the time they pull away or push you away.

Most of the time.

What shocked me is not that Calum pushed me away but that he pulled me closer and deepened the kiss.

I blinked a couple times but closed my eyes and let my hands go to his hair and he pushed me down on his bed, not braking the kiss at all.

"Ashton!" I hear the voice I've missed so much yell.

Calum straddles me and has his hands in my curly hair. He pulls back and just stares at me with big brown eyes that look a little confused. 

His eyes go to my wrist that's right by his face and his face turns into pain. 

"Ashton what the hell is wrong with you? What were you thinking?!" I hear Luke ask sounding pissed and hurt.

"Ashton..... I'd ask what these are but I've got a feeling I already know." Calum says and I pull my wrists back.

"Ashton. Why would you do this? And don't say Calum kissed you because I know you kissed him first." Luke says sounding hurt as his voice cracks a little.

Thank god my phone goes off just at that moment.

Calum gets off me and I get my phone out see it's a text from my mum. 

'Ashton, I'm worried you didn't come home after school....... So in other words get your curly ass home...... Now.' ~Birth Giver

I sigh and mentally thank her for that amazing timing.

I look at Calum and give him a sad smile. 

I show him the message and he nods his head with a sigh.

He takes me home in an awkward silence. Is it always going to be like this? A really awkward silence when ever we meet?

I really hope not.

I guess if I don't want that then I've got to stop kissing him. 

We pull up to my house and I sigh rubbing my face with my hands.

"Sorry." I whisper. Not only to Luke but to Calum to.

"Oh hell no. Your so not getting out of it Irwin." I hear Luke say and I can't help but feel happy he's talking again even if he is mad as hell.

"It's okay. If you want the truth, I wanted to, you know...... Kiss you again...... It's weird. I'm weird. I'm sorry." Calum rambles and I chuckle.

I give him a small smile before heading inside where my mum is probably gonna kill me.

I walk in, shutting the door behind me and my mum springs into action. 

"Ashton Fletcher Irwin where the hell were you?" She asks me and I flinch at her loud voice.

"She's not the only one with a loud voice Ashton!" Luke shouts and I mentally kick him. 

"Sorry." I whisper again. It seems like I'm saying sorry a lot.

She sighs and gives me a tired look. "Just go to your room please. I'll call you down when supers done."

I quickly run up to my room and shut my door while locking it also. I fall back onto my bed.

"Don't you dare think your getting out of this one." Luke yells and I can't help but feel really tired.

"Luke I'm tired yell at me when I'm not so sleepy." I know the whole idea was to get Luke to talk to me but I'm really tired.

"Ugh. I'm so- I can't. You frustrate me to know end Ash." Luke says and it sounds like he could go for a good sleep to.

Even though he's a voice.

I lay down, not even changing clothes. I pull the blanket up to my chin.

"Let's just talk now." He says.

"No. My mum already thinks something's wrong with me and if she comes in and hears me talking to myself, it won't go well." I say shaking my hair out randomly.

"Big deal. This is important Ashton." He says and I groan.

"Okay fine. Then why did you come to my school today?" I blurt out but smack my self. Why did I just say that?

"W-what? Um what are you blabbering about?" He asks sounding confused. But, I did notice some hesitation there

"Look. I don't know why I said that..... Ignore me." I say shaking my head.

"No tell me now. You brought it up now you have to tell me." He insists and I sigh.

"Fine. It's just that, there's this new guy at school. And well. He looked just like you......" I say scratching the back of my neck.

"And? I feel like there's more." Luke asks and I slowly nod my head even though he can't see me.

"His name is Luke. Tall, blonde, blue eyed, lip ring. You name what you've got, he's got it to." I tell him yawning.

"Well then. So you think I'm actually there?" He says and then laughs.

I roll my eyes. "Don't judge me." 

"Ashton why would I act like I don't know you? I would watch over you with my life. I do even now. I may have acted like a dick but I'm here for you. And-never mind." He says leaving me hanging.

"Oh no. No way Luke tell me now." I say getting a little mad.

"I- I can't. I'm sorry Ashton. Just deal with that I can't tell you everything." He says getting a little mad himself.

"Why not Luke? It's not like I'm gonna go around telling everyone!" I practically shout.

He groans. "I just can't! Get that through you curly haired head Ashton!" He shouts and I growl under my breath.

"Fuck Luke I'm not going to tell anyone! I don't talk, the only person I talk to is you and barley even Calum." I sneer out.

"I just can't tell you! Fuck off Ashton! Stop talking to me! God your so fucking annoying just shut the hell up already! Why do you think I wasn't talking to you?!" Luke shouts and I jump with wide eyes. Tears just go down my cheeks and I sob. 

"I-I." I stutter out with wide eyes.

"Fuck Ash I-" He starts. But I cut him off.

"No. Don't you dare call me Ash." I choke out. "Fuck off Luke don't talk to me again. I mean it."

I hear him choke on his own sob. And I try my hardest to block out any sound he makes.

I go to the bathroom and fall to the tiled floor sobbing. I reach under the sink and grab out the one thing I can count on and trust.

I drag the blade across my left wrist 6 times and 8 on my right. 10 on my stomach. 

No sign of Luke and I can't tell you how grateful I am. 

I don't think I could handle anymore words Luke has to say.

I slowly stand up and take care of my cuts wincing and biting my lip to keep from screaming.

Once I'm done I slowly and painfully make my way back to my bed. My lights off from before and I just want to sleep.

And possibly never wake up.....


	16. Light Bulb Went On

I wince as I sit up and glare at my clock even though it didn't go off yet but I know it will cause yeah know, that's what they do. 

Might as well get up. I throw the blankets off me before shutting my alarm off so it doesn't go off. I grab clothes out and change, not even gonna shower. I'll take one tonight.

I slowly make my way down stairs and I earn a confused expression from my mum when I sit down and wince a little.

"Honey are you okay?" She asks and I force a smile. 

I nod my head even though it's a total lie. She sighs. "Not talking today?"

I shake my head and frown as I take out the apple juice from the fridge and pour myself a cup slowly.

I drink it all and put my cup in the sink, ignoring my mums concerned looks I go back up to my room.

I go into my bathroom and brush my teeth then I try to tame my bed head, but fail and just let it go.

I go into the mirror and kick myself in the ass for not putting my contacts back. I look at my choice of clothing. A burgundy sweater and blue jeans. My hair is semi tame I guess.

I don't always wear them, -my contacts, because I always wear clothes- it's just some days my sight is bad and today's one of those days but me being me forgot to put them away last time I used them.

Well guess I've got to use my glasses today.

I groan and walk over to my bedside table and grab out my case and take out my glasses and put them on.

I go over to my mirror again and cringe at the reflection staring back at me.

God I look like a nerd....

Eh I've been called way worse.

"Ashton, Calum's here!" I hear my mum yell and I furrow my eyebrows.

I make my way down stairs and see Calum leaning against the wall. He sees me and his smile grows.

"Hey, wanna a ride?" He ask and I raise an eyebrow and he narrows his eyes at me. "Not like that you idiot. Go get your stuff."

I shake my head and run up to my room grabbing everything I'll need for school. 

I go back down and follow Calum to his car, the drive to school is still a little awkward. No one moves to turn on the radio.

We pull up to the school and I get out before Calum. I quickly go into the school and run to my locker. 

I try to unlock it but fail and try again but fail again. I do it a few more times but it still doesn't unlock.

Today's just not my day....

I look around and see Michael and Tony make there way over with smirks. I mentally freak out.

"Ashton." He says shoving his hands into his pockets.

I gulp and bite my lip. Shit he's gonna beat me up.

"Michael." I hear someone yell and I turn my head to see Calum coming our way.

"Cal, hey. Nice timing." He says sending me a smirk.

Calum looks confused but sees me and looks panicked.

"Ashton." Calum says coming to stand next to Michael in front of me.

"So how many cuts did you do yesterday?" Michael asks smirking and I feel my heart beat faster.

No, no, no, no, no. He couldn't know..... He's just saying that. 

Unless Calum told him. My gaze goes to Calum who looks just as shocked. So maybe Calum didn't tell him....

I keep my mouth shut. I know he just wants to get some reaction out of me.

Maybe if I talked or something he'd leave me alone.

"Oh so it's true. You do cut? Where? Your wrists? Thighs? Stomach?" Michael says and I feel my whole body heat up. I've never done my thighs before.....

"Ash....." Calum says and my gaze sweeps from Michael to him.

Michael looks at Calum with raised eyebrows. "Ash? No one calls him that anymore." Michael scoffs.

"Well, I do- sometimes." Cal says awkwardly. 

"Whatever.... Cal, you gonna join Tony and I?" He says and I plead Calum with my eyes.

"Go ahead." Calum says shaking his head taking a step back, eyes fixed on me and I feel a blow to my stomach. 

I feel tears well in my eyes, not from his blow but because the cuts.

"Awe is Ashwipe gonna fucking cry?" Michael sneers. "Fucking baby."

I clutch my stomach and he grabs a fist full of my hair and smacks my head against the lockers. 

He brings his face really close to mine, so close I can see the mixes of green in his eyes.

"You're nothing but a wast of space. Scum on the bottom of peoples shoes. You're an emo freak who doesn't have the balls to kill himself." Michael says serious with a voice Ice cold and hard.

He knees me in my stomach again and punches me in the face. I fall to the ground clutching my stomach and face.

He scowls and walks off. Calum looks at me with sad eyes and slowly backs away and finally turns and follows Michael.

Well, he didn't help out so that's a good thing. I think. 

I make my way to the bathroom and I lean against the wall in the farthest stall from the door.

I push my hair out of my face and I shove my hand in my pocket and feel the cool metal.....

I take it out and bite my lip, debating if I really want to end it here. 

I'm just a wast of space like Michael said.

Scum on peoples shoes.

An emo freak.....

All of a sudden someone's knocking on the stall door and I jump away, dropping the blade by accident and it slides out under the door.

Well shit.

All of a sudden I hear a sharp intake of a breath and they bend down picking up my blade as I hold my breath.

They bang on the stall door. "Ashton I know you're in there. Open up. Please." 

I freeze when I hear Luke's voice. The real person Luke, the one who didn't call me annoying or to tell me to shut the fuck up.

"I - I know what I said was wrong. I didn't mean it. I swear." He says and his voice cracks.

I grow confused. He didn't say anything wrong to me..... 

Only the voice named Luke..... In.... My..... Head.....

It's like a light bulb went on in my head and my eyes widen.


	17. I Could Get Use To Her. I Think.

No, no, no. This- this isn't- can't be real.

I shake my head and my breathing becomes uneven and really fast.

"Ashton. Please open the door. Something doesn't feel right." Luke bangs on the door again and my breathing just comes in fast pants.

"Fuck." I hear him mumble and before I know it Luke's sliding under the door.

He sits up looking at me and his eyes go huge. "Fuck Ashton." He says as he grabs my shoulders.

"Ashton. Ashton, hey look at me. It's okay. Breath. Deep breaths. In, out." He says and I finally get my breathing back to normal after a couple minutes. I fall into his chest with a sob letting out all my pain and sorrow and anger through my tears.

I clutch on to his shirt and he holds me close to him. "Shhh. It's okay Ashton. Everything's gonna be okay."

I really hope no one walks in. Yeah we're in the farthest stall but if anyone came in and saw this would be just weird.

Luke. Is this really him?

I pull away slightly and look at him confused. He sighs. "You've got questions. And I'm sorry that I can't answer them all. Not now anyway."

I look at the floor still not believing it's the Luke. The one from my head.

"C'mon lets get up. We've got to at least get to second class." He says standing up. I just sit there staring at him.

He sighs again and grabs my hands and pulls me up to my feet. I grab on to him so I don't fall. "Whoa, easy there tiger." 

I scowl at him and he chuckles and looks away. 

I open the door stepping out and I hear a gasp followed by a snicker and my head snaps up to see Tony leaning against the wall, arms crossed with a giant smirk on his face and I visibly pale.

I look around for Luke but he's gone. Okay talk about confusing. I didn't even hear the door open and close.

"Well, well. Mr. Emo is also gay? Should have known. Spying on guys in the restroom. You check out your classmates in the changing rooms to? I bet that's heaven for you. Half naked boys all around you. Only the towel separating you from there dicks. Bet that's your favourite class." Tony sneers and I back away hoping Luke will come back and save me.

I shake my head and his smirk grows. "You actually responded somewhat. I'm impressed." He says running a hand through his blonde hair. Kinda like Luke with the being blonde and blue eyes. That and he's almost the same hight as him. Super fit to.

"You know Michael wants to talk to you. He said to meet him in G hallway at lunch. Don't miss it or he'll be much more harder on you then he already is." Tony tells me and smirks while walking out if the washroom leaving me shaking like a leaf.

Well I'm dead.

I make my way out of the washroom as the bell rings. I quickly go to my class, grateful that it's only a few doors down from the washroom.

I go in and take my seat still shaking and petrified.

"Ashton? Where's your stuff?" Mr. Dallas asks with a slight frown.

I bite my lip looking down. 

He sighs. "Ashton are you okay?"

I nod my head and he gives me one last look before walking away.

Michael, Tony and Calum walk in laughing about something. 

Michael sees me and flips me off but what really gets me is his wink after.

What the actual fuck?

I look down at my desk and I feel someone tap on my shoulder and look up to see Luke.

He sits beside me and I look away.

"Sorry I ran away like that..... I'm actually not suppose to be here..... So I don't really want to draw attention to myself....." He tells me only confusing me more.

"Class please turn to page 657 in your text book and work on questions 1 to 56 please. You may work quietly with the person beside you." Mr. Dallas says. 

I do as told and mentally do a happy dance. I'm good at this. All you have to do is find X. You take 12 and times that by itself and get 144 then take 10 and times that with itself and get 100. Then you minus 100 and 144 and get 44 then you get 6.63. That's all you've got to do. 

It's really easy.

It's the Pythagorean Theorem...

I look over and see Luke's just doodling on the paper.

I take it away from him and write, 'What are you doing? Do the actual work if you don't want to fail dumbass.'

He chuckles. "I don't need to do the work Ashton. I'm not actually suppose to be here, remember?" 

I lightly shake my head still confused.

I ignore his stare and finish my work bringing it up Mr. Dallas, who is still giving me a worried look. 

I also ignore that and sit back down.

"Why don't you talk?" He asks me and no one seems to care that he's talking.

Wait. That's the first thing he asked me ever...... If he really was Luke he would know that.

But then he opens his big mouth. "Yeah I know I already asked you that but you never answered me." 

My mouth goes slack a little and I bite my tongue to keep from saying something to him that I'll regret. Or anything anyway.

I lay my head down and he sighs. 

I stay like that till the bell rings telling me that it's lunch. Not that I'm gonna eat anything....

I quickly gather my things and make a beeline for the door only to be tripped and fall on my face as the class laughs at me.

I sigh seeing all my shit all over the floor, papers all over and people are just stepping and purposely crumpling them and ripping them. 

"Dumbass." I hear Michael snicker and Tony and him leave laughing. Calum give me a sad look and follows them.

I start to gather my things from the ground around me and I notice someone else helping me.

I look up to see a brunet girl with black rimmed glasses on. Her hairs up in a slick ponytail as she helps me pick up my papers and stuff. Her hairs actually curly now that I look at it.

She stands up and walks over to me with them. I slowly take them.

"I-I know you don't talk. But- uh. I'm Rory." She say holding her small hand out for me to shake. She seems okay I guess. But I also thought the same about Michael and Calum and look where that got me.

I slowly take her hand and shake it before retracting it to my side.

I nod my thanks to her and turn to leave. "Wait!"

I turn back and raise an eyebrow at her. She picks at her nails and bites her lip. "I-I didn't get your name....." 

I mouth it to her. 

"Ashton? Is that it?" She asks with big green eyes. 

I nod my head with a small smile. "Well Ashton can I eat lunch with you? If you don't mind. I'm kinda new. I told the teacher to not make me talk in front of everyone or to point me out and thankfully he didn't." 

I think about it for a second but eventually nod my head forgetting all about what Tony told me earlier about Michael and she beams at me.

"Well let's go then! I've got a lunch that's calling my name and I'm not gonna ignore it's calling no more." She says and the shy person is gone. For now anyway.

She hooks her arm with mine and drags me towards the cafeteria and I can't help but smile at how much energy she's got.

Where's Luke?

I blink once we get to the cafeteria and look around for Luke.

Where'd he go?

She pulls me over to a table and pushes me down in a seat and she sits beside me, taking out a lunch pale and pulls out a few food items.

A sandwich, apple, two juice boxes, a bag of cheese and meat and two granola bars.

She sees me looking at her food and asks, "Want some? I don't usually share but you seem cool so I'll share if you want anything."

I blink a couple times and shake my head and she shrugs her shoulders.

"Fine. More for me." She says then laughs as she takes a bite of her sandwich.

I shake my head and take a small piece of cheese and put it in my mouth. She grins and slides the bag over to me.

I'm about to take anther but a voice stops me. 

"I'm impressed. You're actually eating. Don't emo's almost never eat and if they do don't they throw it up after? Is that what you do? Oh and you didn't show up." Michael says sitting beside me and sneers then he looks over at Rory.

"Well hello. Aren't you adorable." He says to her completely forgetting about me for a second and she rolls her eyes.

"I know I am, no need to tell me twice but go ahead, it's gotta nice ring to it." She says and I bite back and laugh as Michael grins at her.

"I'm Michael. And you are?" He asks getting up and sitting beside her. 

Great, she's gonna leave me to.

"I'm none of your business. Now go peasant so I can eat my cheese in peace." She says taking another bite of her cheese and Michael glares at me.

"How can you eat around him? I can hardly keep my food down from just looking at him." Michael spits out and I cower, making myself smaller. Not hard Michael's taller then me, might not be by much but he still is.

She turns her piercing green eyes to him and they narrow. "Well I'm eating while looking at you so I think I can handle Ashton thank you very much. Now get lost." 

Michael looks taken back and scowls at me before getting up and walking away with Tony. Calum gives me a smile and give him a small one in return.

Yeah know, maybe Rory doesn't seem that bad....

I could get use to her. I think.


	18. “I won’t leave you.”

The bell rings and I go to my next class which happens to be Gym today.

I internally groan cause what if Tony told Michael about the bathroom thing and hell he probably did.

I slowly go in and I take my seat on the bleachers, pulling my knees up to my chest.

I feel someone sit beside me and I glance over seeing blonde hair. Knowing it's Luke I relax a little but tense when I see Tony and Michael walk in with Calum.

Michael sees me and walks over leaving Tony and Calum to look over confused.

Michael stands in front of me and crosses his arms and his gaze sweeps over to Luke.

"Who are you?" He asks him and I start mentally freaking out because no ones suppose to know that he's here.

"Luke Hemmings. And you are?" He asks but we both know that he knows perfectly who Michael is. Wait his last name is Hemmings or is he just saying that....?

"Michael Clifford. I haven't seen you around here before." He says narrowing his eyes and I feel Luke move closer to me.

"That's cause I'm new. So why are you over here? Cause I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with me being new here." Luke says and Michael looks back at me and I visibly tense causing Michael to smirk.

"Well you're right Luke. I came over here to chat with Ashton. Alone." He says and Luke rolls his eyes.

"I'll go, but if you lay a hand on him I swear I'll beat the fuck out of you." Luke says smiling innocently at him before walking away.

I pull my knees closer to me as if that can make me any smaller.

"So Ashton. Sense you missed our little meeting at lunch, I want you to come over after school. You know where I live. Come at 7:00pm. Don't be late. And If it's a no show again I'll make sure you don't ever see daylight again. Do I make myself clear Irwin?" He says bending down so he's right in my face.

I slowly nod my head a little, scared that if I move it anymore I'll smack heads with him.

He grins. "Good. Now be a good emo and show up on time." He then stands up all the way and leaves. I pull on my sleeves.

Luke then comes back over and sits beside me. "You okay? He didn't hurt you right? Like, I could see but I want to make sure." He rambles looking me over to see if I'm okay.

I slowly shake my head and he sighs in relief. "So what did dickwad want?" 

I bite my lip thinking how I should tell him.

I get out my phone and go to my notes and type what Michael said to me.

He nods his head reading it and groans. "Ashton you can't go over, at least not alone. So I'm gonna go with you. Physically not mentally." He tells me and I smile.

Luke then leans his head on my shoulder and I can't help but smile even more and let my head fall onto his.

I'm not gay but I guess I'm bi or some shit cause I defiantly feel something around Luke.

Maybe I'm just Lukesexual. 

Yeah that's it.

Luke and I just sit there in silence till the bell rings.

He stands up and holds his hand out for me to take which I do. He doesn't let go and I feel my stomach do a flip or something but I take my hand away when see Tony smirking at me.

Luke looks at me confused but forces a smile at me anyway.

Great now he's mad that I took my hand away.

"What's your next class today?" He asks and I try to rack my head for my last class but then grin as I remember I've got a free period. So I can leave early if I want to.

Instead of answering him, I rush to my locker, grab out my stuff and grab Luke dragging him out the doors with me.

"Hey, wait Ash- oh fuck- where are we going? Don't you have class?" He asks almost tripping.

I shake my head and he looks even more confused.

We begin walking to my house and he just keeps looking at me confused.

I sigh. "You really the Luke that's been talking with me?" I whisper out and he grins.

He stuffs his hands in his pockets. "Uh yeah." He says kicking a rock.

"I don't believe you." I mumble out and he smiles shaking his head.

"I know it's hard to believe Ashton but it's true." He tells me. We walk some more and finally come to my house and I thank god that my mums not home and won't be for a while.

He follows me in and shuts the door behind him. He follows me up stairs to me room.

He gently shuts the door and walks over to my bed, sitting down on it and I sit on the ground in front of him, my eyes kinda glued to the stain on my carpet.

Blood. 

My blood to be exact.

"Prove it." I say and he looks taken back by the sudden question but smiles anyway.

"Well, there's a bunch of things I could name. Like how where your sitting where you and Calum swapped spit and made out when I said talk to him. Or the time when I pestered you to eat- which you didn't do today at lunch. And a piece of cheese is not enough Ashton Fletcher Irwin." He says and my eyes go wide.

"Okay. It's you. I think. Maybe. Fuck Calum could have told people so that doesn't count." I ramble out and he rolls his eyes.

"Okay what about your dreams. Like how Michael came and said that he'll always be your friend even if he's being a dick to you?" He says and my jaw drops.

"Fuck it is you. Oh my god it really is you." I say and jump up, throwing my self on him causing him to fall back with me. I wrap my arms around him holding on to him tightly as if I let go he'll disappear forever.

He wraps his arms around me to and I close my eyes burying me face in his neck. 

"I said I'll always be here for you and I tend to keep that promise forever Ash." He mumbles into my hair and I can't help but smile and bury my face more into him.

I glance at the clock and see it's only 1:40 and school ends at 3:00.

I close my eyes holding Luke close to me as I lay my head on his chest.

"Go to sleep Ash. I won't leave you. I promise." I hear Luke whisper as I feel him peck the top of my head as I fall asleep.


	19. God He’s Amazing

Luke's POV (say what?)

I look down at Ashton's sleeping figure and sigh holding him even closer to me if that's possible.

He doesn't know how much he means to me. It hurts knowing that he gets hurt by the people he once trusted and called friends.

Fucking Michael. Tony's a pain to but I think Calum's just as bad as Michael.

I don't understand why Ash keeps forgiving him. He hurts him yet he still forgives him.

I will never understand Ashton. But that's okay. He's perfect just the way he is.

I brush a piece of his curly hair out of his face. He needs a hair cut. He stirs a little bit but all he does is hold me tighter and bury his face in my shirt more. 

He needs sleep, I can tell.

I look at his face and then at his neck and I go down to his shoulders and down his stomach and- I freeze once I see that his sleeves have ridden up and I see all his scars. Some old and some new, like really new.

I bite my lip and lightly trace over them with my finger. He pulls his wrist closer to him and I kiss the top of his head.

I know he's got so many questions but I'm not aloud to answer them. Not right now anyway.

Hell I'm breaking a rule right now. I'm not actually suppose to be here with him but I just couldn't help it. 

Have you seen how adorable he is?

How can you not lo- like him. 

It was hard to keep away from him before but now that he nows I'm here it makes it all better.

For both of us.

I sigh as I look at the time and see that it's only 4:00 now. Wow time really went by.

I bury my face in Ashton's curls and close my eyes.

\-------------------

I smile as I lean against the tree, watching Ashton spin in circles and he falls back with a loud giggle.

God he's amazing. 

I can't say anything though cause according to him he's not gay. And I've got to respect that.

I've been in Ashton's head evers sense he was 6. He always thought it was just him and little kids don't really care cause they think it's all fun and games most the time.

Ashton, he was a little different. He didn't like people that much. He had 1 friend.

That friend was Michael. 

I really shouldn't say anything else..... That's Ashton's job to tell if he wants to.

I walk over to him and he smiles up at me.

"Hey Ashton." I say sitting beside him. 

He doesn't say anything only moves closer and wraps his arms around me. I blink a few times a little shocked but can't help the heat that spreads to my cheeks.

He smiles up at me and I feel my breath get stuck in my throat at the sight before me and my heart beats faster.

He's so amazing.

"Luke why didn't you come to me before?" He asks and I sigh, trying to think I how to tell him without actually telling him the main part.

"I wasn't aloud to. Ashton, I'm not even aloud to be here but- I just couldn't stay away from you any longer." I stamper out as he raises an eyebrow at me. Well hell I'm just making a fool out of myself. My whole body heats up.

I've had a giant crush on him for the last few years.

I could never admit it to him. 

"But you're here now so I guess breaking a few more rules won't hurt right?" He asks with big hazel eyes. 

I shake my head. "Sorry. No can do Ash."

He sighs and leans his head on my chest making my heart pick up speed more. Shit I hope he can't hear it. "Alright. That's okay I guess."

I pull back making him look at me. "Ashton you know I would tell you if I could but I- it's just- I can't tell you."

He gives me a sad smile. "I know. I should stop asking but I'm just curios." He says pulling on his sleeves.

I grab his hand and hold it tightly in mine and I grin sheepishly at the blush that goes to his cheeks.

"What time is it?" He asks after a long silence.

I furrow my eyebrows. "Not sure. Wait. When are you suppose to meet Michael?" I ask.

His eyes go wide and he bites his lip. That damn lip.....

"At 7 I think." He mumbles and I nod my head.

"We should get up." I say and he nods but none of us move.

"There's a problem." He says and I give him a confused look.

"How do I wake up when I want to wake? My body usually just wakes up when it's ready. I think." He says and I laugh.

I brings his head toward me and I close my eyes, kissing his forehead.

\-------------------------------

I open my eyes slowly and I see Ashton waking up with a yawn. God he looks so adorable with his messy hair and sleepy haze look. I could just kiss him and push him down on the bed and undo his- whoa okay stop right there Luke.

He blinks and then turns to me and gives me a smile but then looks at the time and gasps.

I look and my eyes widen. It's already 6:28pm! Holy fuck.

"Shit I've got to get ready!" Ashton yells going to get out of bed but falls on his face.

I laugh and he shoots me a glare as he stands up. He quickly gets up and runs into the bathroom. I lay back down and get out my phone going on twitter.

Nothing good. Then an idea pops into my head. I search Ashton Irwin and a bunch of people come up.

I scroll through them all and I find my Ashton- yeah I'm serious he's mine. 

And I don't plan on sharing. Not with Michael or even Calum.


	20. Hazel Meeting Blue

Ashton's POV

"Lucas if you're coming then let's go!" I yell as I run down the stairs and my mom gives me a confused look when I reach the bottom.

"Ashton, who are you talking to? And are you going somewhere?" She asks as she mutes the tv.

I look behind me and I faintly hear feet moving in my room. "Um uh yeah..."

I run back up the stairs to see Luke fixing his hair in the mirror. I try to avoid looking at my reflection.

"Let's go." I say grabbing his arm. He stumbles a few steps and falls bringing me down with him.

"Oof. You idiot." I groan as he falls on me.

He sits up, straddling me and I lean on my elbows.

I glare up at him while he gives me a sheepish grin. He looks down at his hands.

"Sorry." He mumbles but neither of us move.

I watch as he bites his lip and his eye brows are furrowed as he's thinking hard about something.

He then lifts his head up and I jerk at the sudden action which causes Luke's eyes to go wide and mine to. What. The. Hell.

He lets out a deep breath. "A-ash.....?" He whispers and I slowly nod my head, getting the message.

I do that again and he sucks in a deep breath then lets it out a breathy moan and I bite my lip to keep mine in.

"Do that again. Oh please, please, please, please do that again." Luke begs with a certain look in his eyes.

I guess I didn't go fast enough to respond to him cause he takes maters into his own hands as he grinds down on me and his head lolls back as I let out a quiet moan.

"Shit." I say as he does it again. And again and again and soon I'm full on hard.

Well for fucks sake. Now what. I'm so not going to Michael's with a boner, like hell I am.

I guess I'm not the only one with a problem...... I feel Luke against me and we both pant while looking at each other. Blue meeting hazel.

Hazel meeting blue.

He starts leaning forward towards me and I do the same.

"Ashton? I thought you were going somewhere?" I hear my mum yell and I freeze along with Luke.

I clear my throat. "Uh yeah." I say back.

Luke slowly gets off me and I slowly get up. 

I look down at my problem and groan. This is painful already. 

"Um I'm just gonna use the bathroom." I say quickly running- more like waddle- to the bathroom.

Shower time I guess.

I go in and shut the door. I lean against it and take my shirt off, then I start to undue my pants and the door opens and Luke steps in making me shriek and jump back.

"Luke what are you-?" He cuts me off by pinning me against the now closed door. 

"You can't just do that to me Ashton." He says and my eyes are wide.

"Wh-what do you mean?" I blurt out as he rolls his eyes.

"You can't do that shit you just did now to me and then walk away like nothing...... You caused a problem Ashton. It's now your responsibility to fix it." He starts smirking and I feel my heart hammering in my chest. 

What the fuck. 

He wants me to...... What.

My eyes flicker to his waist and then quickly back up to his bright blue eyes.

"Luke....." I mumble out and he gives me a soft smile.

"You've never done this before, I know. Just follow my lead and it'll come naturally." He whispers walking towards me and lightly presses me against the wall, hands on my waist.

Well, I guess I'm not as straight as I thought I was.....

He brings his face close to mine and my eyes close halfway. I feel his warm breath on my lips.

"I've always wanted to do this." He says before closing the gap.


	21. She’d Kill Me No Doubt

Ashton's POV

My eyes shoot closed when I feel Luke's lips on mine. I kiss back automatically and I feel him smile into the kiss.

My hands have a mind of there own I guess.... They go to his hair as he presses me harder against the wall and he turns his head to the side to deepen it and I let him. 

His tongue brushes my bottom lip and I let him in. My right hand goes to the hem of his shirt and he pulls back and pulls it off and I grab his face bringing it back to me so I could kiss him. 

My hands go around his neck and his go to my wasit. The kiss becomes more hot and needy as his lips go down to my neck and I close my eyes as he sucks and bites.

I moan when he finds my sweet spot and my head rolls to the side to give him more access. 

Fuck he's gonna leave a mark. Oh well to late now.

His hands go to the front of my jeans and starts tugging on them.

I pull away and lightly push on his chest as we both breath hard.

"Luke......" I breath out. "I c-can't. N-not now." I say and he slowly nods his head, still trying to get our breathing under control.

"What about....." He says and I nod my head knowing what he's talking about.

"Shower." I say and he nods but again, none of us move.

I turn around and turn the water on. I turn back to Luke who looks like he's arguing with himself about something.

I sigh. "Luke? You okay?" I ask.

He blinks a couple times but smiles at me. "Yeah. Just thinking."

"About what....." I ask and he grins bigger at me.

"How I'm going to solve the problem you caused..... I won't pressure you into anything Ash." He says and I nod my head, wrapping my arms around him while his go around me.

After a few minutes of silence he speaks up. "This is awkward considering I'm still hard as a rock and your the reason it's like that and hugging you shirtless is not helping." 

I pull back while my face heats up and I bet I'm redder then a fire truck.

"You can- um have a shower. With me. If you want. It's just a thought-" He presses his mouth to mine and my eyes go wide but close and I kiss him back.

He pulls back a little and bites his lip smiling at me. "Yeah. I think I'll do that."

I nod my head and proceed to take my pants off while Luke does the same. 

If only mum new what I'm doing, she'd kill me no doubt about it.

Once I'm in my boxers and so is Luke, you can tell easily that we've both got problems. 

Luke comes over to where I am and slips his thumbs into my boxers and lightly rubs circles on my hip bones.

His eyes watch mine and after a minute I nod my head slightly and he gently and slowly starts taking them off, sliding them down and they pool at my feet, Luke's eyes never leaving mine.

I take a deep breath and bring my hand to the waistband of his and his breath hitches. Don't think he was expecting that. I know I wasn't. Not sure where the hell it came from but whatever.

I pull them down and he then leans in and gently places his lips on mine and I kiss back.

Without breaking the kiss, he guides me into the water.

My hands go around his neck while his go around my waist. I pull back and put my head on his shoulder while his goes on mine.

We just hug standing under the warm water that's now cold but Luke's keeping me warm so it's okay.


	22. "I'm still here Ashton."

I pull my shirt over my head and shake my hair out, running my long ass fingers through it.

Like seriously, there fricken long as fuck.

"We better go now if we don't want to be late- and by we I mean I and by late I mean plummeted into the ground." I say as I walk down the stairs.

"Again who're you talking to- oh." Mum stops mid sentence when she looks behind me. I follow her gaze to see Luke stepping beside me.

He smiles at her. "Hi. I'm Luke." 

"Um hello. Ashton I didn't know you had someone over." Mum says smiling. 

"Uh yeah. As he said this is Luke." I say awkwardly.

Let's just hope she doesn't see the mark Luke left on my neck. I tried covering it up with my shirt but I'm not sure how well it worked.

"Right. So where are you going?" She asks.

I clear my throat. "Uh Michael's." I mumble an she raises an eyebrow, looking a little shocked.

"Michael as in Michael Clifford?" She asks and I nod my head. "Well. I haven't heard from that boy in a while."

"Well. I'm going right now so bye." I say grabbing Luke's hand and dragging him out to my moms car. 

I look at the time and almost scream. I've got 15 minutes to get there and that's about the length of the drive there.

Well fuck!

I quickly back out of the drive way and start my way to Michael's.

Surprised I still remember where the idiot lives.....

"What do you think Michael wants?" Luke asks fiddling with the radio. I'm not aloud to use this to drive to school cause my mom works, that's why I take the damn bus.

I shrug. "I don't know really. First he wanted do meet in the closet at school so....." I trail off while Luke looks confused.

"Why would he want to meet in the closet? Ha! What if he is in the closet? Get it?" Luke doubles over laughing and I roll my eyes.

"I'm pretty sure Michael's straight as an arrow Luke." I say.

"You sure about that?" He says changing the station and Little Things by One Direction come on.

"Well, I'm pretty sure......" I say and he smirks.

"You don't sound so sure." He sings.

I shake my head. "It was nothing. I think."

"You think? What happened?" He sounds confused, very confused.

I run my hand through my hair. "Nothing. He just was being Michael. He flipped me off like normal but then..... He, uh winked. At me." 

Luke's eyes widen and then he burst out laughing. "That's hilarious! Wait, does he know I'm coming with you?" He turns serious.

I shake my head. "Nope. He didn't really say come alone so..... Not my fault." I say shrugging my shoulders focusing on the road. 

Which road was it- aha! I remember the old rundown 'haunted' house at the corner. We use to have sleep overs in it and picnics I'm it. It was great for when Halloween came around.  

I turn down his road and look for his house. It's a normal white two story house. Well last time I was here it was.

I pull up to the house and I guess it's still the same. 

I look at the time and it just turned 7:00. Damn I'm good. 

I step out of the car and Luke follows. I slowly make my way up to Michael's house and bite my lip.

I raise my hand to knock and I wait a few minutes.

I hear feet on the other side and I'm not sure if I want Michael to answer the door or someone else.

The door opens and on the other side stands Mrs. Clifford. 

"Ashton?" She asks sounding confused.

I nod my head. "Hi." I say.

She smiles big and hugs me tight. "Oh my Ashton! I haven't seen you in forever! Where have you been? I was so worried about you. How have you been? How's school? You know Michael talks about you sometimes but he never tells me the things I want to know like how you are or what's new in your life." She says and I blink at her rapid speed. Holy fuck she hasn't changed at all.

So why has Michael changed? What happened to my friend?

"Um...." I stand there awkwardly and Luke coughs from behind me.

Her attention goes from me (thank god) to Luke.

"Hello. I didn't see you there. Who must you be?" She asks still smiling.

"Um I'm Luke." He says and he holds his hand out for her to shake but she pulls him into a hug. His eyes go wide but he smiles and hugs back anyway.

She's always been a hugger.

She pulls back. "It's nice to meet you Luke. Michael's in his room Ashton. As always." She says and I nod my head.

I go up the stairs and Luke follows silently.

"You know maybe I should have stayed in the car......" Luke says and I give him a confused look but understand.

"I guess that's okay. Just be alert." I say and he nods his head and I blink and he's gone.

I will never understand him.

"I'm still here Ashton. Mentally." I hear Luke say in my head and I sigh. 

"Thanks." I whisper.

I bite my lip knocking on his door.

I hear feet make there way over to the door and it opens to see a messy haired and shirtless Michael Clifford.

He sees me and smirks. 

"Ashton. Didn't think you'd come." He says and opens the door for me to go in.

I go in and he shuts the door behind him.


	23. "Maybe I've got to step up my game."

I sit on his bed while he crosses his arms standing in front of me.

"Glad you could make it Irwin." He says walking towards me.

"Don't let him hurt you. Please." Luke says softly.

"Why don't you talk anymore?" He asks leaning down and putting his hands on my knees.

I look away not answering him.

He sighs loudly. "Beating you up doesn't get anything out of you....... How can I get sounds out of you cause beating you is not doing it." 

I bite my lip looking up at him but back up at how close his face is to mine.

Hell when did he get so fricken close?

"Do you talk around other people? I know you don't talk at school but what about at home....." He says and I play with my fingers.

"I heard that you're gay to. An emo gay. Not that shocked." He snickers and I look down at my hands.

I really can't deny it anymore after I made out with Luke in the washroom.

All of a sudden Michael roughly presses his lips to mine and my eyes widen as I push him back staring at him with wide eyes.

What the actual fuck?!

I open my mouth but close it right after. He smirks.

"I'm gonna come in there and beat the fucking daylight out of him!" Luke growls.

"Still no sound but almost. Now I know what I've got to do to get you to talk......" His smirks grows and my eyes go wide in fear. 

I rather be beat up thanks.

He pushes me down on the bed, I try to push him back but- fuck he's way to strong.

He leans down close to my face as he pins my hands. I try to break free but I freeze half way when I feel his lips on my neck.

I go back to struggling to try and break free. 

"Say something and I might just stop." He mumbles and it vibrates on my neck and I bite my lip to keep all unwanted sounds in.

He trails his lips all around my neck and I gasp when he finds a certain spot.

He pulls back and glares at my neck. I freeze.

"What's that?" He sneers and I start shaking in fear.

"Who gave you that?!" He asks sounding pissed. 

He gets off me and I can't help but breath a sigh of relief. He glares at me and I freeze.

"I'm not going to ask you again Ashton. You better fucking answer me." He snaps and I back up away from him.  
I open my mouth but close it again an he groans. "Fucking hell Ashton. No one can mark you. No one but me." 

Your markings are bruises and cuts- OH GUESS NOT.

He goes back to attacking my neck and bites and sucks. I try to push him off but he's way stronger then me.

I whimper when he pulls away and smirks at my neck.

"There. Now no one can have you." He smirks and my eyes go wide while my hand goes up to my neck. 

"I still want you to talk...... Maybe I've got to step up a little." He says and I shake my head.

"Oh look a response. I'm impressed." He says nodding his head.

"If he hurts you do something Ashton." Luke says and I nod my head to myself when Michael looks out the window.

It's already dark out, it's starting to get dark out sooner now and that sucks on my end.

"It's pitch black out Ashton. You should stay the night here with me." He says. Then adds, "Just like old times. But back then you talked."

I shake my head again and he grins. "Now I need a sound out of you."

He grabs my hands and pulls me up and presses his chest right to mine and then put his mouth on mine again.

I keep my mouth shut, this sucks so bad holy fuck.

I push him away.

"Stop!"


	24. "I mean it."

Michael looks at me with wide eyes as I clamp my mouth shut.

"Y-you just talked. Said a word to me." Michael says grinning huge.

I quickly back away from him and go to the door but he grabs my arm pulling me back to him.

"Talk again. Just so I'm sure." He says and I shake my head.

"Yes. I won't let you go Ashton." He tells me with a serious expression. I still don't answer.

"Ashton...... You know I'll do anything to make you talk. Or make sounds." He smirks at the end.

He pulls me closer when I don't say anything. He brings his face closer to mine and I push him away but he doesn't budge.

Well fuck. 

I close my eyes. "Don't." I whisper.

I open my eyes to meet Michael's wide ones.

He then wraps his arms around me and I freeze. What the hell.

He then kisses my neck before laying his head on my shoulder again.

My arms are pinned down to my sides cause I'm stuck like this because of his arms and even if I wasn't I'd still be frozen like this.

He pulls back after a moment and keeps his hands on my shoulders.

"Don't let anyone else mark you Ashton. I mean it." He says softly but I can hear the warning is serious.

He let's go and I rush out of his room and down the stairs, I quickly say bye to his mum before running back to the car.

I get in the drivers seat and start the car, ignoring Luke's curious gaze.

I pull away and down the road, once I'm far enough away I park the car. I lean my head back against the seat.

"Well I'd ask what happened but I kinda already know." Luke says. I'm about to ask him how but then remember he was in my head again.

"He said no one can mark me, only him." I say rubbing my head.

"Yeah I don't get it. He's confusing." He says and I nod my head agreeing.

My hand goes up to my neck and I pull the mirror down and cringe when I see the mark Michael made.

Great now I've got to hide two marks from my mum. 

How the hell am I suppose to do that? It's hard hiding one and now another? Ugh.

"For the record, I like the one I made better." Luke grumbles and I slowly nod my head sighing.

"How am I suppose to cover both?" I ask and he shrugs.

"I wouldn't cover mine, I'd show them off if anything. But that's me." He says smiling.

"Yeah no. I'm so not showing anyone these. How long do they usually last?" I ask.

"Not sure." I groan at his response. "Keep all those sounds for the bedroom Ashton."

I feel my face heat up and I punch him on the arm.

He grabs the spot I hit him. "Ow you ass. That hurt. You know you could probably kick Michael's ass if you wanted. You've got the muscle for if." 

I shake my head. "I'm not strong. Sure I use to play the drums-"

"And you were amazing at it." He buts in. I shoot him a look.

"As I was saying Lucas, I don't anymore and I grew weaker. He's way stronger then me. So he'd still be kicking my ass, probably worse then he already is." I tell him and he shakes his head.

"He didn't beat you up in his room like we thought." He says.

I roll my eyes. "No he just forcefully kissed me and left a mark on my neck. Sorry but I rather get beat up. Do you know how many people I've kissed in the past weeks? First Calum, twice, then you like I don't know, 4 times if not more? And now Michael twice to. Okay well I didn't kiss him he kissed me but, well fuck you get what I mean." I ramble while he looks at amused.

"Don't give me that look." I mumble as I continue driving home.

"What look. I'm not giving you a look of any sort." He snickers and I glare at him.

"Do you want me to drop you off at your house?" I ask and he burst out laughing. I give him a weird look. "You okay there Lucifer?"

He sighs and wipes his eyes. "Oh Ashton you crack me up. No I don't need a ride home. And stop calling me Lucifer. It's just weird." He says and I snort.

"So it's a perfect name for you." I say and he playfully glares at me.

"Fuck you." He says but laughs anyway.

We pull up to my house and we both get out. I lock the car and we go inside.

"Ashton. I was wondering when you were going home. Oh Luke are you staying the night?" My mum pops out of no where.

How do mums do that?!

Luke looks at me then back at my mum. "If that's okay with Ashton."

I don't even say anything, I just grab Luke's hand and pull him up the stairs.

Luke laughs and I can't help but giggle. 

Wow I am immature. Well so is Luke so I guess it's okay.

We go in my room and I shut and lock my door before Luke grabs my face and brings his lips down to mine.

I make a squeaking sound and he chuckles. I kiss back and he deepens the kiss.

He pulls back. "Wha-?" I ask confused on why he kissed me again.

"I didn't like the thought of Michael having his lips on yours last. So I had to change that." He says and kisses me again.

"Why do you keep kissing me?" I ask as he kisses my cheek and down my neck.

He pulls back, blue eyes bright and a soft smile on his face. "Oh Ashton, I'm going to kiss you as much as possible now that I'm here with you physically." 

He then kisses me again and I put my arms around his neck, holding him so he can't get away, and even if I didn't hold him I'm pretty sure he wouldn't leave.

I pull back slightly, keeping us close enough that our noses are touching my eyes half closed. "Thank you Luke. For everything." 

I then kiss him and he seems surprised but kisses back anyway. Obviously.

He kisses me harder and pushes me up against my door, his hands go to my shirt and he pulls it over my head, only breaking the kiss for that.

I grab his shirt and bring it over his head then grab his neck connecting our lips together again and he grabs my belt loops on my jeans, pulling me even closer to him. 

Wow okay we work fast.

My hands go to his hair and he groans as I lightly tug on it.

His lips leave my mouth and go down my neck and he goes down leaving marks all along my stomach and I quietly moan.

I bring him back so our mouths were together again but I don't let that last for long as I go to his neck and start leaving marks all over his skin.

He then pushes me roughly up against my door again and we share hot open mouth kisses.

Not gonna lie I really don't want this moment to end. Like, ever.

Well I never get what I want because all of a sudden I fall forward onto Luke as we both fall to the ground.

I hear a gasp from behind me and I turn to see my mum standing there with wide eyes.

Well shit.


	25. Dealing With Michael Really Tires Me Out...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heya, so note on this whole story, I wrote this all when I was like 15, maybe 16 years old. Fun fact of the day.

I quickly scramble off Luke while my mum looks at me then at Luke with wide eyes.

"Mum." I mumble. I stand up and Luke stands up with me.

"Ashton...... What the hells going on." She asks in a very calm tone. So calm that it's scary.

I look at Luke who looks just as lost as me. I open my mouth but close it because I've got nothing.

I don't know where to begin.

She crosses her arms raising an eyebrow at us.

She looks at Luke. "You. Sense Ashton won't say anything, you tell me."

Luke scratches the back of his neck. "Um well. Not really sure how say this......" 

She looks back to me. "Are you gay?" 

My eyes widen and I slowly take a step back away from her and clasp my hands together behind my back.

I look down. "So you are." She doesn't say it as a question but I slowly nod my head.

All of sudden she squeals and I jump back hiding behind Luke.

"I new it! I've always wanted a gay baby! I know I'll never have grandchildren but you could always adopt!" My mum says and I look at her scared.

"Um....." Luke coughs awkwardly and she then looks at Luke then back at me and then her eyes widen again.

"Oh sorry you were busy. Ashton don't have sex with anyone till you know there the one." She says pointing her finger at me and I nod my head.

Wasn't planning on having sex don't worry. 

She then winks before leaving and I look at Luke with a weirded out expression.

"Well. That was....." I start.

"Weird? Random? Fucked up? I could go on." He say and I chuckle.

I grab his hand and pull him towards the bed.

I crawl in my bed and pull Luke so he's with me. God he's tall. Okay so maybe by like 6 inches. Still fucking tall.

He leans down and pecks my lips. 

He rolls onto his back and pulls me down so I lay my head on his chest.

"Luke." I mumble.

"Yeah Ash?" 

"When are you going to tell me?" I ask.

"What do you mean?" He asks confused.

I sigh. "Like, how you were in my head and all that stuff." I say sitting up.

He copies my actions pulling the blanket closer to us. "Not sure..... Like, I could get in so much shit right now because I'm here with you. It was bad enough to talk to you in your head." He says and I let out a loud sigh.

"Right." I mumble.

"Hey look. You know I would tell you everything I know if I could." He says making me look at him.

"Yeah. I know Luke." I say and kiss him gently.

"Let's get some sleep." He mumbles against my lips and I slowly nod my head.

I pull back as he lays down and I lay my head on his chest. 

I snicker at how many marks are on him.

I kiss his stomach and close my eyes, drifting to sleep.

But I swear I heard Luke mumble something to me but I was to tired to care right now.

Dealing with Michael really tires me out.....


	26. "Having troubles?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I put another chapter up cause the last one was really fucking short :{D

"Ashton, you gotta get up." I feel someone shake and whisper to me.

I roll over and burry my face more into my pillow. I hear them groan. 

"Ashton come on we've got to go to school." They say and I slowly open my eyes. I blink and kinda focus on Luke. He's kinda blurry.

Shit it's gonna be one of those days.

Just. Fucking. Great.

He hands me something and I realize there my glasses. I put them on to see a smiling Luke beside me.

"Morning Curly." He says and I roll my eyes at the name.

"Mornin'." I yawn. I slowly take the blanket off my legs and mentally hit myself for sleeping in skinny jeans.

Well hell.

I grab clothes from my closet and dresser.

I turn around to see Luke watching me with a smile across his lips.

"I'll be out soon." I say and he nods his head grabbing his phone.

I go into the washroom and have my shower and all that shiz. I step out and dry off then put my clothes on.

A green sweater and my normal black skinny jeans. I shake my hair out as I walk out of the bathroom.

Not even gonna try to get it to look decent. Not in the mood to get pissed off over something stupid.

It's like I'm a ticking time bomb. The slightest thing will piss me off and make me explode. 

I'm on the damn line right now and messing with my hair would cross it.

Even though I can't hurt anyone I still get grumpy as fuck and mentally kill everyone in my head and send them all death glares when there not looking.

I see Luke trying to do his hair but it just wouldn't work I guess.

"Having troubles?" I ask and he jumps at the sound of my voice.

"Damn hair. Won't go right." He grumbles glaring at his hair in the mirror. I lightly chuckle.

See why I won't even try with my hair? It's more tangled then his so, just imagine.

I grab a beanie and throw it at him. He looks at it and puts it in his head. "Thanks." He grins.

Not gonna even try to hide my messy hair.

I nod my head and grab my bag. He follows me downstairs and I see my mums already gone.

I sigh. I put on my shoes as I hear a cough. I look up at Luke who's got his arms crossed and has a stern look on his face. "What?"

"You gotta eat Ash." He says and I pale slightly.

How about not and say we did?

I slowly shake my head, my messy curls bouncing softly. "I don't need anymore more food Luke. If anything I need less food. Let's just go to school and maybe I'll eat something before I go to bed." I tell picking my bag up off the ground.

I go to leave but he grabs my arm, forcing me to face him.

"Ashton. No, if anything you need more food. You're to skinny for your own good. Or anybody's good. You need food otherwise you'll die Ashton. Die. Do you really want to kill yourself?" He asks me with a frown.

I look away from him and he lets out a ragged breath. 

"You do...." He says. Not as a question. But a fact. 

A true one.

He runs a hand through his hair. "I'm gonna make you eat....... I'm not giving up Ashton. Never in a million years. I haven't given up from the start and I sure as hell ain't giving up now." He bites his lip.

I finally meet his glassy eyes. 

"I just found you. I-I'm not gonna lose you. I can't lose you." He says as I see his lip tremble.

Tears pour from the corners of his eyes and I feel guilty that I'm causing him pain.

Fucking idiot. Look what I did. The one person who cares about me, I hurt them.

I walk over and throw my arms around his neck while his go around my waist, holding onto me tightly.

He stuffs his face in the crook of my neck even though I'm shorter then him. 

"I can't lose you Ash. I care so much about you......." He mumbles into my neck and I close my eyes as my own tears fall freely.

He pulls back and pecks my forehead, eyes closed as he lets his lips linger for a moment. 

He pulls back and I meet his blue eyes with my hazel ones.

"I can't lose you either Luke." I whisper before kissing him gently.


End file.
